From Trials to Thanks-giving

If nothing else this Thanksgiving, be thankful for the person you are becoming. Every day is a new day, with new mercies. The work being done in you is far more precious than any material thing because it offers hope to the hopeless. Your purpose in life involves experiencing trials of many kinds. You can't escape trouble and trials, so learn to embrace them.

I am truly thankful for what has seemed to be the hardest year of my LIFE. Moving here was a tremendous step of faith, but staying here has proven a much longer road of faith than I ever imagined. Everything I ever dreamed of is in my fingertips and in front of my face, and more than anything, the enemy wants to slip it out underneath my feet. I’ve been forced to cling, grasp and hold tight to Jesus in every area of my life, battling spiritual warfare and life’s frustrations left and right, but I gotta tell ya, it’s all been worth it. I’m eternally grateful that this past year was far from a waste; it has caused ME to die and Him to live, and the production of fruit that I can’t see. Most importantly, this past year has revealed God’s endless pursuit of ME. And to the Almighty Creator of the world to reveal His pursuing love to little ‘ol me, I am thankful beyond words.

Within the past four months, after serving in Africa for two weeks on a missions trip, God stripped me of EVERYthing—money, school, housing, work, health, car etc. I was nearly homeless, slept on an air mattress for three months after finding an apartment complex that would accept a jobless 23-yr old single woman, ate food from the Dollar Tree, couldn’t find a job for the life of me (I even got denied a serving job at Crackerbarrel b/c I didn’t give a two week notice when I left there four years ago…talk about humbling), got sick and couldn’t afford medications or doctor visits, all the while seeming to have every one of my friends fall off the face of the Earth. All of this on top of a girl who has paid every single bill she’s ever had weeks in advance, worked her butt off to be an A/B student, labored wholeheartedly and to the best of her ability, and was a health NUT. I was a good steward of everything I had, and for a couple weeks, couldn’t figure out why nothing favorable was coming my way.

But somehow, miraculously, my bills got paid (bills that were supposed to normally be due were miraculously not), people invited me to their home for dinner without even knowing my situation, I was offered some side jobs to make cash while I was still job hunting, and after praying for my sick self experienced healing. I lacked materially and didn’t have a thing to my name, but I never lacked spiritually. Some days were more exciting spiritually, some were extremely dry. But knowing Jesus, I knew I never lacked any good thing.

Some days I was secure, some I was incredibly discouraged and would just fall over weeping. I didn’t have a clue what God was doing in my life, but I knew I could use this dry season to learn something about myself and my God, so every day I continued to declare His love, goodness and faithfulness. I kept eternal eyes and was determined to not allow the enemy to have any room to enter this walking storehouse of redemption!

A few weeks into my job search, I asked God to “cause my resume to POP” (because I know it’s not that good haha) to someone and use that to confirm where He wants me to work. Two months later, I got a phone call from an owner of a million-dollar production company nearby. I responded to a part time ad on Craigs list a week prior for A/P and A/R since I have experience and needed SOMEthing (I don’t like accounting, but I have skills in it). I accidently sent him the wrong resume—I sent him my Regent resume with a Christian Objective—and he called me right away because he said my resume “popped” out at him. God has given me much favor with this man; He thinks I’m the next best thing to sliced bread, and for this job b/c of my lack of experience, I’m really not! He’s a Christian, too, and has been personal friends with the Robertsons for 30 years (who are the founders of the University God called me to attend last year, and who are technically the reason I am in Virginia Beach), and works in the field I studied in! Not only did I start out doing Accounting work, but a week later became a virtual model for our Online Website Advertising (which has potential to make a LOT of money), and a Production Assistant helping to write scripts for music on-hold. Hopefully soon, I will be traveling the United States promoting our products and doing business development. He and I have many of the same contacts through Regent and CBN, and have a great work chemistry. He pays me more than I really deserve to have b/c of my lack of experience, and gives me the best hours. He and his wife treat me like their daughter. I never expected to have it this good… God certainly created a divine connection between us.

Things were starting to look up, then normal, everyday annoyances kicked in and I experienced endless frustrations with moving furniture from PA to VA, washer floods, cable/internet rewiring in my apt and the ministry responsibilities I was juggling… I won't go into them since I've already got a book going, but if you ask me, I’ve got a million more testimonies of how God has proven over and over again through these frustrations that He is the God of the 11th hour!!! When I was about to break, He interceded and miraculously things worked. His presence has been so tangible, and His work evidence of His intimate and powerful responses to the “little things” in my life.

You cannot tell me that God did not provide for me each and every time I was “without”… and you cannot tell me that God doesn’t care about “little things”! I never once slept in the streets. Clothes were on my back. A car was available to drive. Food was in my belly. I was in relationship with God’s people… but most importantly, I knew my Savior and King, who first care-fully closed many doors and later opened many more.

God had me in a season where I was forced to rely strictly upon Him. I couldn’t rely on myself because I knew I couldn’t "fix it"; I couldn’t rely on people because for the most part, they weren’t there; and I certainly couldn’t rely on my circumstances to pull me out because I knew they were not what defined me. Literately, all I had was Jesus, and He was far more to me than anything or anyone else could have been. If I didn’t practice His presence sitting in my bare living room, I would NOT have made it through these past few months. Once again, He pulled me out of the pit, and is taking me on another ride to experience the palace.

A few years ago, I learned to stop asking “what”, “why”, and “how”; it is not my business to know what God is doing, why He’s doing it, and how it’s going to change me. His ways and thoughts are higher than mine. He knows me far better than I could ever know myself, so I’ll leave that stuff up to Him. All I know is that I long to be a mirror image of Jesus Christ, and I’ll do whatever it takes and walk through whatever I have to if it makes me more like Him. He is perfection, and while I’ll never be that, I strive to be more Christlike every day. And I acknowledge that I can’t be Christlike if I never experience trials…aka pain and suffering.

I've served homeless people who live with absolutely nothing, but I've never actually been able to say "I've been there, and look what Jesus did!" It's one thing to receive time from someone, but another to receive a story that's absolutely relatable, in every sense of the word. I'm glad this past four months is finally over, and that the Father rewards those who seek Him. The joy of knowing God is getting closer to completing the greatest work ever in me is inexpressible. One minute I'm bauling because I'm so thankful for what He has accomplished in me, and the next I'm dancing wherever my feet fall and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much because I'm THAT excited that I didn't give up and Jesus didn't give up on me. I feel like you would if you just won the Turkey Trot after training for three years.

I have learned that God can do more, faster, in a heart that is surrendered, listening, and willing to walk the walk rather than just talk the talk. I believe the key is to be purposeful in recognizing His absolute GREATness and GOODness in those trials, and that He has purpose in them. I don't believe that God needs to take as much time with us as He did with Job, if we could only internalize what He's doing behind the scenes and agree with His work. Your circumstances may seem like He’s not in them, but He truly is. You have to understand that what He’s accomplishing in and through you during those trials is the production of fruit that will influence someone else’s life. You were not created for yourself, but to worship God and be His hands and feet in the Earth, especially to the lost... you are on a lifelong journey to learn how to love like He loves, and live like He lived. That requires a mighty sacrifice of your comfort.

Make the choice to let God do His work. You can’t get to step B until you've gone through Step A. Be patient with God and yourself, and let Him do what only He can do. God plans to use you to reach the brokenhearted, so let Him do what He needs to do for you to be a part of that plan. You may never have the privlege of seeing or understanding the fruit and perseverance that is produced in you during your trials, but others will. And your life exists because of it.

Have you been in a dry season? Have you been confused and frustrated? Have you wondered why it seems God has abandoned you? Have you been lonely and wondered why everyone in the world has seemed to leave you? Take heart. Whatever your situation, God is IN it, and His heart is for you to grow and conform to His image through it.

Release your heartache, it’s okay! Many of our heroes in the Bible have experienced persecution and tremendous trials in every day life, and have wept before the Lord, wondering, waiting, angry by frustration. Don’t just give God a fragment of your weight and tears; give Him ALL of them. Every tear is counted by Him; He wants to capture you in the midst of your pain, lift every burden to show His presence in your life, utilize your surrendered heart, and continue preparing you for your next season. Don’t give up on Him! Let HIM have the last say in your circumstances; He’s waiting to blow you away! Don’t disqualify yourself from winning the Prize… Your Father is cheering you on, and He’s also awaiting you at the finish line.

Surrendering to Solitude

For a few months now, I've found myself in a season of separatedness. Spending time alone has always been a high priority of mine, mainly because it gives me reflection time (and I HAVE to have my reflection time), but there's something different about this particular season. All I want to do in my free time, apart from worship, fellowship, ministry & service, is enjoy complete SILENCE. I gotta tell ya, this whole idea of hearing God not in chaos, but in a WHISPER, makes absolute sense now. I hear and see God so much more when I'm reflecting on my living room floor hearing nothing but the fountain outside my window, or writing in complete silence. Forget the music; I now enjoy the melody of absolute silence.

At the same time, I have no desire to hang out in large groups of people right now. Going to house parties, playing games, going dancing, or just going OUT somewhere with friends does not appeal to me in the least. When I'm not enjoying and practicing God's presence in silence, I take myself, Jesus, & my laptop, sit in a corner, sip a Skinny Rasberry Mocha Frappachino, and write and read. Write my book, write my revelations, write prayers from deep within my heart and read the Word of God. As we speak, I'm in the corner of the library all alone on a Friday night, and I'm having the time of my life doing what I feel called to do in this season.

A heavenly abundance is awaiting you! I encourage you to surrender to solitude. Get in the secret place, where it's absolutely quiet, and practice it. You will find yourself resting in a safe place, and will inevitably receive peace the transcends all understanding. Close your mouth, guard your ears, and open your heart. Be renewed and refreshed by sacred silence.

Oh how I miss the aftermath of snow tubing days in PA...

I found this old video from '06 and I couldn't help but express my.... self. Funny thing is, a DJ approached me in the middle of a dance floor at at 1am at a wedding reception one time and said, "what BATTERY, do you run on?!?!"

Mama, at least I know you're proud ;)

A Nation and People close to God's heart

(From L to R: My cousin, Lori, and her husband Tom in their new home--Kigali, Rwanda. Me with Eric, a survivor from the Rwanda Genocide who visited Regent University last fall)

(Sorry this is all bunched up. I copied it, and for some reason it won't separate the paragraphs...)

I was getting ready to e-mail my cousins in Rwanda, Africa, when I stopped to ponder and reflect on the things God has spoken to me about this nation for the past year. I have wept, uncontrollably at times, for God’s heartache for the people who were affected by the worst genocide since the Holocaust (USA Today)--the 1994 Genocide. While I’ve shared my most intimate times with the Lord interceding and weeping for Rwanda, I don't think I have the slightest inkling as to how God is connecting me to others in the Body of Christ and the world through carrying this tremendous burden.

Rick Warren, one of the "100 Most Influential People in the World" (TIME Magazine, 2005), founder and senior pastor of the fourth largest church in America--Saddleback Church, in California--is the author of the bestseller "Purpose Driven Life", a book that says the purpose drven life is one committed to worship, fellowship, spiritual growth, ministry, and fulfilling our mission on Earth. Not only was the Purpose Driven Life the first book I read as a new believer, but I read it at least three consecutive times after that and was so moved that I used it for “book studies” with unbelievers. My copy is highlighted, underlined, and filled with notes and revelations. I couldn’t get enough of it. Either could Paul Kagame, President of Rwanda, who phoned Warren after reading the book stating, “I am a purpose-driven man. Come help rebuild this country.” (USA Today)

The same man who contributed to my transformation as a Christian, and Paul Kagame’s, through the Purpose Driven Life, has a vision to see Rwanda transform into a “Purpose Driven Nation” by training and raising up leaders in Rwanda. He could very well be the man I partner with in vision and join in ministry in Rwanda. And let me tell you, there is nothing I'd rather do than join Rick Warren and others whom God has similarly burdened for this people and nation. Talk about POWERFUL movements in the Kingdom of God!!!! One purpose, one vision=one transformed nation in Africa!!!! Bring it on!!!!

My cousins, Tom and Lori Wheeler, are living in Kigali, Rwanda now with their children. When I found out they moved there this summer to join Rick Warren and his ministry, I went crazy! How incredible that I have family living in the very roots of a nation I’ve been called to intercede for and hope to one day visit?! USA Today said this, and it absolutely shook me because it breaks down every presupposition people have about not doing missions because they haven’t been “called” or don’t have a necessarily esteemed “title”: “Even if he's only remembered as the man who helped bring sidewalks to Kigali, Wheeler says he feels that he's part of something big: 'God's working here,' he says, 'after so much suffering.'" I think we can learn something significant from Tom—every effort counts. Following Christ costs us everything, and sometimes, we should just go to meet the need.

As a personal reflection… it just blows my mind to see what God is doing and how He’s moving there. All those endless days and nights I spent weeping for these people were not in vain; to share in their suffering is a tremendous privilege. We are called to carry one another’s burdens, and mourn with those who mourn. But for the longest time, I felt like what I was feeling was deeper than carrying just the Rwandan's burdens. It wasn’t long before God revealed to me that I was carrying HIS heartache for His people in Rwanda. And I gotta tell ya, sharing God's pain and the Rwandan's pain is more than I ever thought I could possibly feel, but it's GOOD, and it gives me the privilege of sincerely rejoicing with them when God’s response is so remarkable! Their pain has become my pain, so their answer is my answer.

This nation is headed nowhere but up! Praise GOD! 14 years of gruesome pain is being washed away day by day. Forgiveness, Healing, Joy, and Peace are only among the few treasures the Rwandans are receiving, and it’s attributed to a God who loves them so much He’s burdened endless believers across the world to intercede for them, and has stirred them to DO something, something as “mundane” as some might say building sidewalks is. Every prayer counts, every weeping experience (that is designed to cause us to see and feel through God's eyes and heart), and every action is contributing to the Kingdom of God. Don’t underestimate your significance to God—He rescued you so that you can rescue others. Please do your part!

http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2008-07-21-rwanda_N.htm

(The link to the Rwanda article with my cousins and Rick Warren)

Packed up the Africa clothes... finally

Well, we finally got the clothes for Africa organized and placed in bins. Whew! We are only a month and a half late and off schedule ;)

Anna, myself, Matt and Steve went through about 20 garbage bags of clothing yesterday that I collected to ship overseas for the people of Macha, Zambia. After spending two weeks in the villages of Macha and seeing the spiritual, emotional and physical needs of the people, I couldn't help but be stirred to love in action--to do something about what I saw. While I can't be there to disciple new believers and spread the Gospel, I know God has our friend, Jon, there for many reasons, and I know that from the city of Virginia Beach I can send tangible things to help offset some needs.

We had some fun finishing this project! Some of the items we found in the bags were quite interesting, to say the least ;) Between laughing at Steve adding strange, orange clothing to his outfit and me throwing the boys clothes to Matt (which mistakingly kept landing on his head), and the "mexican soda" joke we entertained, I had to basically command myself to breathe! It was good to have a good laugh with friends while doing something productive, though. I can always count on this crew to get two jobs well done ;)

A Life Changing Encounter with Faith

After visiting my horsemanship director's church for the beginning of his Cowboy Chapel series, I found out that my good friend died. Devastation consumed me and I spent that entire night crying and remembering all our times together. She taught me so much about faith, hope and love. Who knew that a bond between a human and an animal could be so strong?

She was more than an animal I drew close to; Faith became a significant part of my life. Sixteen years of dreaming to ride horses became a reality for me at the beginning of the year. Years of longing and dreaming to know and understand this stunning, heavenly creature were often times of struggle because small towns like mine weren’t made of money, and riding lessons weren’t cheap. Yet, through the years, faith is what I exercised, and Faith is who strengthened me.

A gorgeous Palamino, Grade pony, she was golden and had an incredible variation of blonde in her mane and tail. (With a comb and a little Show Shene, she was one in a million!) Since my blonde babe was a Grade pony, she had a mix of many different ancestors and had characteristics different than that of a standard breed or purebred. She was a pony, averaging 14.2 hands in height, and boy was she a spitfire sometimes! But what female doesn’t have her moments? Besides the occasional threats she listened well, had a smooth walk and lope, and loved to receive love ;)

Among many other things, Faith taught me how to properly ride the canter; pivot; use my weight as a natural aid; and even discipline a horse. (She sometimes, like me, needed strict “I am in control and you’re not no-no’s”) I learned quickly in the canter that she didn't like it when I leaned too far back (neither does any horse); and she taught me how to use my weight, legs and hands to pivot during a show (she wouldn't do it if I didn't do it correctly). After time, she even grew such respect for me she obeyed my cue of turning her by using my weight without reins. Our relationship blossomed quickly in a short amount of time. I loved and respected her, and she loved and respected me. One thing is for certain: I never walked away from her in a day without learning something about her, horses in general, and the mighty God I serve.

While I was testing out different ways of communicating discipline to a horse, as silly as this sounds, I wanted to see if horses respond to the "pointed finger" as much as children do. Believe it or not, when Faith would threaten to bite or kick another horse or person, I would make a firm face and point my finger firmly at her and she would immediately look straight ahead and behave. Most horses respond better with an elbow or a slap along with a voice, and some others do respond to the "pointed finger", but because I had spent so much time with her, her response to the pointed finger helped me recognize she was responding more to my body language, and I began to feel extremely close with her.

We spent a lot of time together behind the scenes. After classes and lunch, or in between when no one was around, I'd spent quality time talking with and scratching her, and hugging and kissing her. I respected her so much because she taught me how to ride, the right way. And she learned to respect and trust me because I helped take care of her, and was intentional about treating her well.

This remarkable pony had no idea she inspired me to keep hoping trusting in the promises of God. Many times I came into work discouraged about a certain promise God gave me that in reality looks impossible and seeing her instantaneously would put the smile back on my face, the joy in my heart and the faith in my spirit. She truly was the encouragement to me no one else could offer, and the tangible love I needed to feel so many times from my Heavenly Father.

What a creative and caring portrait of God's faithfulness to me. How wonderful it was to ride a gorgeous and wonderful horse named Faith almost every day. Not only did I learn and grow in my knowledge of horses, but through her I learned life changing lessons about God and His unfathomable, yet tangible character and ways. She truly left an hoofprint in my heart that will never be forgotten. I drew close to Faith, and through her I drew close to my Father.

A Vision of Transformation

(1st from Left: Who knew that this little girl would one day repent, give her life to Jesus, be transformed and then preach the Gospel to her sisters?! Jesus knew, and it's only by His grace, and the power of His transformation that I'm even living, and have walked away from alcohol, drugs, sex and suicide attempts. Don't tell me He doesn't transform, and do so mightily!!!)

(2nd from Left: This was the day after my unbelieving sister and I talked about eternity. It led to me minister the love and power of Jesus to her. After three years of praying for her, she openly received the good news. God's Spirit is drawing her to Him, and the power of God's transformation in ME is falling on her--she's recently made long awaited, healthy relationship decisions and is moving forward with her life. It's God, and the power of transformation!)

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Yesterday morning in prayer, God gave me a powerful vision and word. I was praying for a friend's healing when I got a picture of God touching someone. The minute His hand touched someone, the person literately morphed into someone else. Following a bright, white light in a downward motion from the top of his head to the soles of his feet, the person transformed. It was almost like something you see in an old, sci-fi movie; kinda like The Hulk where growth is the result, only not in the muscles, color and size of the person ;) This heavenly transformation was a GOOD, internal and external transformation ;) The old was being washed away and the new had come to replace it. A new, good, birthing had taken place and it was attributed to the love and grace of God the Father.

That's a thought we know as His children, but have we really thought of the powerful implications of God's touch? Have we remembered and recognized His glory when He transforms us from the outside in after the inside out? Let me suggest that praising Him for transforming us from the outside in is just as important as praising Him for beginning transformation in us from the inside out.

Through this vision God revealed to me that when someone is surrendered to Him, believes and is willing to receive from the Heavenly realms, true transformation occurs. But the greatest part of the beginning stages of transformation is that it's undeserved and is His gift to us so that we can enjoy abundant life Jesus died so we could have. It comes with the whole giving your life to Jesus package. What a gift from God--that we don't have to worry about fixing ourselves; He fixes us FOR us. If you can't think of anything else to praise Him for (which I find impossible to do), praise Him for His transformational touch in your life. I'll tell you one thing, it is a GLORIOUS day when transformation and awakening pass from His hand to a dirty, lost soul, and even to a passive, Christian one. The very being of a person is breathed on again with life and becomes covered with His grace by His very touch. It's a phenomenal, life-changing gift of God Almighty. Open your mouth and rejoice!

I believe God is bringing mighty transformation to the Earth. I don't believe it's limited to the unsaved, but that it is also coming to the Church. For God to take us higher, we must be transformed into His likeness--it's a necessary part of growth. Your transformational growth isn't just for you, though, it's to be used as an example of the new life we are offered through the blood of Christ. It's your responsibility to share God's power in your life with others.

When God transforms, He doesn't leave us with any blemishes; it's when we try to transform ourselves that we miss or choose to miss a spot. Leave the dirty work to God--He knows all your blemishes that need plucked out and shined. His ways and thoughts are higher than yours and He knows what's best for you. Stop resisting His work in you; let Him do what He needs to do so that you can do His will for your life and become the person He wants you to be in the last days. You're being prepared for HEAVEN, for goodness sake, embrace it!