Disgusted

{I first want to honor two especially amazing, godly men in my life who have touched me beyond belief and have shown me what it really means to be a man of God whose heart is fully set on knowing and loving Him. It's truly the gospel for everything you do to flow out of your relationship with Him and both of you guys demonstrate the heart of God in loving others, and honoring the women in your life. I've seen the little things AND the big things you've done to serve and honor me; they will never be forgotten. David and Jonathan-- I simply adore you, and thank God for you and your example to the world...

}Okay, time to vent. You probably won’t like it, and you’ll probably think I’m out of line and harsh, but suck it up and read anyway… :]

For weeks now I have watched men hunt gorgeous women like wild dogs hunt for meat. They desperately search for any sign of inner fulfillment that looks pleasing to the human eye. It doesn’t matter what the inside looks like, as long as the outside is good looking, tastes good and is able to satisfy his temporary hunger it’s a winner.

I am utterly disgusted by men who run after women only because of beauty. It makes me squirm to think that their only motive is to get closer to a woman because her face is that of a beauty queen, her body is model material and her long locks blow in the wind like Tyra’s does in her modeling session for Vogue. There’s nothing wrong with being attractive, in fact it’s a wonderful gift, but when those looks are taken out of context regularly with inappropriate comments from men who repeat them the same day about other women, they end up disrespecting those women with their eyes, words and actions. It’s the worldly way to express beauty and respect a woman, and it’s inappropriate and unacceptable. Often times it takes everything in me to fight the urge to slap the immaturity out of those kind of men, and out of the unguarded women who accept that behavior.

Please hear me: Looks have everything to do with desiring to be with someone, and it's perfectly natural and acceptable to find others attractive, but my heart tells me it’s wrong for a man who is seeking a relationship to act immediately on a gorgeous woman the first time he sees her. He knows nothing about her or if she even has an authentic relationship with Christ and is wife material. Ultimately, if the man is serious at all about a relationship with this woman, by making comments and approaching her immediately he is making a serious decision without hearing God’s voice in the matter. All that says to the woman is, “I obviously don’t care what kind of person you are or what we could accomplish in the Kingdom of God together, I just think you’re hot and want to get as close to you as possible" and all it says to God is "I don't care about what You have to say about my future, I'll find her myself". Ladies... BIG red flags!

I used to think there was a difference between hunting for prey and wife watching, ESPECIALLY in the Christian life, but now it seems the hunting for “good looking” prey has reached the neighborhood of believers. That sickens me to the core because I expect much more from men who claim to represent Christ. I have been more impressed with the character and quality of the guys the Lord said were NOT for me who’ve asked me out after getting to know me than the ones I was seriously interested in who seemed extremely genuine in their faith until they approached me out of character and took the beautiful/gorgeous/stunning compliment I adore a level too far (wanting more of a physical response from the compliment than a thank-you and possible hug). Not the kind of relationship I am willing to invest my time in any longer. Ladies, you shouldn’t be either.

...whatever happened to getting to know a woman first, honoring and respecting her, and also earning her respect? What about inviting her to hangouts to meet the people you love, and watching her interact with others to see how authentic she is in loving as Christ loved? Why did serving others together get old? And when did keeping a respectful distance cease, and how in the world did a woman’s entire character get pushed to the bottom of the “required” list?

Regardless of their actions, I will honor all men because God simply says so, but I cannot fully respect those who do not first care about what KIND--not type--of woman they are seeking. That’s evidence of immaturity, and until he comes to terms with loving himself enough to love someone who loves Christ first, instead of hunting her before he knows anything about her, he’s not ready to commit or lead a woman as she needs to be led in a romantic relationship.

By the way, the catcalls and comments I hear from “godly” men are beyond pathetic and need to stop! If a man EVER does that around me he better hope my hands are tied because I just might slap him. Women are not objects or animals. We are beautifully and wonderfully made in the image of God, precious daughters of the Most High God, and ought to always be treated with honor and respect, just as we ought to treat you.

This is the first year in my young adult life that I haven’t been asked out. And to be honest, I’m glad because I have not at all been impressed with the lack of respect and initiative in friendship I see in men. I'm disappointed and disgusted because I expected so much more. One thing is for sure: I will gladly accept a kind and respectful compliment, but I will NOT settle for a man who doesn’t seek my friendship first, or who I know jumps around, and who doesn’t treat me with the utmost respect. Don’t think for a second I’ll be the object of someone’s lust, and I refuse to put up with guys who play games, even my guy friends. The minute you mess with my heart I will forgive you, and I will likely release you from the level of relationship we had (depending upon the kind of relationship) until you confront me with the truth. I am not a mat for any one to step on and abuse, and I won’t run around trying to get a guy’s attention in hopes that he’ll follow—that’s not my position as a woman. And trust me, I won’t baby a man and cradle around him as if I’m the one who is supposed to make the move—that’s his job.

Men: please stop the unnecessary comments about how hot women are—no one wants to hear them. Get real about the woman of God you should be seeking—the one whose love for God invigorates your spirit, whose faith will encourage yours every day of your life, and whose patience and demonstration of love brings you to humility. Find the authentic and honest woman whose service to others is a testimony in itself and will challenge you to sacrificially serve. Start by doing what I encourage women to do: re-evaluate your relationship with Christ and ask Him to align your life with His. If you’re sincere, He’ll take you on another road of intimacy with Him and once you’ve realized He’s your first true love and He’s all you want to please, your words and actions will flow to others accordingly. Listen for His voice in leading you to the right woman, and remember, you must be in a position to lead a woman by God’s standards before pursuing her for anything more than a friendship. Quit chasing looks and chase character. You deserve a good woman as much as a good woman deserves you.

PS.Here’s my late disclaimer:
You may think I’m too conservative on this subject and that my standards are too high. The world would say that I make it impossible for a man to approach me. Truth is, I don’t make it impossible for men to approach me, I simply make it clear that I refuse to settle for anything less than God’s best for me. I live by the relational standards that God has instituted. I am not waiting for a “perfect” man; I am waiting for my “Mr. Perfect” to get to where God needs Him to be so he can lead me properly.

I am not saying all men act this way, or that all women act as they should in relationships. Men and women are created very differently and all of us are learning and growing in this area daily. However, just like godly women, godly men are called to represent the character of Christ, in ALL they do. The minute a man’s character stops flowing into every area of his life, especially around women, it becomes void and he becomes the kind of person Jesus labels a hypocrite. I simply desire for men to acknowledge who they are as Christ’s representatives, and the examples they set. Others are watching and learning. Be faithful.