Here I am... finally at home after nearly 20 days out of the country, in my room, still packed, with loads of unopened mail on my desk and an unending list of things to do by the time I return to work on Monday...
...yet here I am, frozen...weak... trembling... unable to stop thinking about the precious little ones in Africa who have yet to experience the Father's love through people, the very ones who wouldn't release their grip on me because they desperately wanted to feel loved, and the ones with despairing faces I had to pass along the way... ...here I am, wounded... wounded that I'm no longer there fulfilling the mission Jesus created me to fulfill... bleeding with an unsatisfied eagerness to go back and give everything I have to give...
I thought about it the entire three days of travel back home, and I have decided that I am willing to give up everything I have, and everything I love to go back and give myself. I don't care that I just bought new hiking and camping equipment. I don't care that I have a new bike, my old rollerblades and tennis racket, my softballs, or even my boots and hat. I don't even care right now that my dreams are being fulfilled--I just want to be and share God's love with people who are so desperate for it and might not know yet how to recieve it. I want to be and share His love with those who don't even know Him...
All of the materialistic things I own have served to bring pleasure to my soul on many occasions, but with both hands on the Bible and with all the truth I have in me, I swear I would sacrifice all of it to love those African people who need love... the need is too great to overlook, it's much too great to set aside for another time... TODAY is the day for salvation!!!
I count it all a loss, considered to the surpassing knowledge of knowing my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and I count it all a loss to knowing that I can be the hands and feet of the Man who radically transformed me to God's beloved bride in Africa.I've never felt so effective in God's Kingdom than I did when I was simply spending time with those beautiful people. To run and play games with them outside, to sing with them, experience their laughter, and watch them respond to God's love through me and our team was more fulfilling than anything I've ever experienced. To come back to my everyday life in America, with all of my everday things, with my everyday routine somewhat discusts me. While I know God has uniquely placed me exactly where I am in Virginia Beach, with a divine mission and purpose, I can't help but want to be in the field where the harvest seems most ripe... being here almost makes me feel selfish and useless, even though I know I'm being used by Him here... I feel dirty to be clean... I want to run around in the dirt with the kids... I want to bathe out of buckets like I did with them... I want to not be concerned so much with my appearance, but know that my sole purpose for being on Earth and being a mirror image of Jesus is all that concerns me... here, too many distractions will soon likely cause me to slip from fire to a lit match, and I fear I may allow the rekindled fire in me to burn out.
My heart has been ripped apart for others in a way I never thought possible. I NEVER thought I would be able to say I would give it all up... but I've beyond reached that point. People are more important than things. Relationships are more important than enjoying a weekend rock climbing and camping. Giving truly is more valuable than receiving. All of it is more valuable than my own selfish desires.I want to pour everything I have into these precious people, and others. I don't even care to be fed by anything of my own desire--I will leave that to Christ Himself. I am willing to be worked until exhaustion, dirty and smelly if it means I've given myself and Christ, live in conditions unfavorable to the average American, sleep in the cold with bugs and animals, and even eat food I don't like for the sake of loving and ministering to others.
There's been a paradigm shift in my heart and mind that I simply cannot explain. As a daughter of the King, I joyfully choose to be a vessel for Jesus in America, but I YEARN to be in Africa. I have been given a tremendous piece of God's heart that will never leave mine. When He took me there He didn't just show me what needed to be done, He allowed me to feel His heart, and all that's in it. His beautiful and wonderful creation doesn't stop in America. It doesn't stop in Canada, South America, or Israel. It doesn't even stop in Africa. His loving hand is reaching for EVERY person on the face of this Earth whom He has fashioned to be in relationship with, and I have the privlege of sharing His extention of love to the Africans. You may be burdened with another area of God's heart, but whatever and wherever it is, I urge you to allow your entire perspective to be interrupted by God. Open yourself up to the possibility of being the person you've always wanted to be, for Him. You, like me, need to be disrupted.
...yet here I am, frozen...weak... trembling... unable to stop thinking about the precious little ones in Africa who have yet to experience the Father's love through people, the very ones who wouldn't release their grip on me because they desperately wanted to feel loved, and the ones with despairing faces I had to pass along the way... ...here I am, wounded... wounded that I'm no longer there fulfilling the mission Jesus created me to fulfill... bleeding with an unsatisfied eagerness to go back and give everything I have to give...
I thought about it the entire three days of travel back home, and I have decided that I am willing to give up everything I have, and everything I love to go back and give myself. I don't care that I just bought new hiking and camping equipment. I don't care that I have a new bike, my old rollerblades and tennis racket, my softballs, or even my boots and hat. I don't even care right now that my dreams are being fulfilled--I just want to be and share God's love with people who are so desperate for it and might not know yet how to recieve it. I want to be and share His love with those who don't even know Him...
All of the materialistic things I own have served to bring pleasure to my soul on many occasions, but with both hands on the Bible and with all the truth I have in me, I swear I would sacrifice all of it to love those African people who need love... the need is too great to overlook, it's much too great to set aside for another time... TODAY is the day for salvation!!!
I count it all a loss, considered to the surpassing knowledge of knowing my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and I count it all a loss to knowing that I can be the hands and feet of the Man who radically transformed me to God's beloved bride in Africa.I've never felt so effective in God's Kingdom than I did when I was simply spending time with those beautiful people. To run and play games with them outside, to sing with them, experience their laughter, and watch them respond to God's love through me and our team was more fulfilling than anything I've ever experienced. To come back to my everyday life in America, with all of my everday things, with my everyday routine somewhat discusts me. While I know God has uniquely placed me exactly where I am in Virginia Beach, with a divine mission and purpose, I can't help but want to be in the field where the harvest seems most ripe... being here almost makes me feel selfish and useless, even though I know I'm being used by Him here... I feel dirty to be clean... I want to run around in the dirt with the kids... I want to bathe out of buckets like I did with them... I want to not be concerned so much with my appearance, but know that my sole purpose for being on Earth and being a mirror image of Jesus is all that concerns me... here, too many distractions will soon likely cause me to slip from fire to a lit match, and I fear I may allow the rekindled fire in me to burn out.
My heart has been ripped apart for others in a way I never thought possible. I NEVER thought I would be able to say I would give it all up... but I've beyond reached that point. People are more important than things. Relationships are more important than enjoying a weekend rock climbing and camping. Giving truly is more valuable than receiving. All of it is more valuable than my own selfish desires.I want to pour everything I have into these precious people, and others. I don't even care to be fed by anything of my own desire--I will leave that to Christ Himself. I am willing to be worked until exhaustion, dirty and smelly if it means I've given myself and Christ, live in conditions unfavorable to the average American, sleep in the cold with bugs and animals, and even eat food I don't like for the sake of loving and ministering to others.
There's been a paradigm shift in my heart and mind that I simply cannot explain. As a daughter of the King, I joyfully choose to be a vessel for Jesus in America, but I YEARN to be in Africa. I have been given a tremendous piece of God's heart that will never leave mine. When He took me there He didn't just show me what needed to be done, He allowed me to feel His heart, and all that's in it. His beautiful and wonderful creation doesn't stop in America. It doesn't stop in Canada, South America, or Israel. It doesn't even stop in Africa. His loving hand is reaching for EVERY person on the face of this Earth whom He has fashioned to be in relationship with, and I have the privlege of sharing His extention of love to the Africans. You may be burdened with another area of God's heart, but whatever and wherever it is, I urge you to allow your entire perspective to be interrupted by God. Open yourself up to the possibility of being the person you've always wanted to be, for Him. You, like me, need to be disrupted.
