A true Friend

More and more I am realizing that I truly cannot rely on ANYone but God.

When I re-examine my life I realize that I had one friend who loved me enough to walk through pain with me like she experienced joy with me. We laughed together, “traveled” together (even if it was only an hour away from the nearest “cool” mall), walked through devestating trials at a young age together, and cried together. I clung to her and she clung to me. We were inseparable.

Thinking of her reminded me of all the other “friends” I had. They were there for pizza and pool on Friday nights, but where were they on Tuesday morning at 3:30am when I needed to talk? Where were they when I faced my parent’s divorce, or ended up in the hospital with back surgery? Where were they all three times when I woke up to an empty hospital room after cancer treatment? Why didn’t they see the signs when I, at the end of my rope, got involved with alcohol, drugs, and sex as a cry out for attention? They bailed. They left me, including my family. No one sacrificed his or her time to “be there” when I had to grow up faster than I wanted and anticipated.

As a little girl I learned this lesson the hard way. Although I didn’t know Jesus like I know Him today I always sensed His presence. When I would sit curled in my bed weeping over the pain of neglect and lonliness I could feel the warmth of His embrace. When my loud cries and pleas for attention didn’t seem to get even the animals’ attention in the woods I often retreated to I knew that at least Someone heard me. He had to, or at least everything in me hoped He did.

“How can I not matter to them? Why don’t they show me the slightest glimpse of their concern for me? Do I matter to ANY body?!” is what I cried so many times. I remember taking endless walks in the woods and going for runs around our neighborhood asking these questions over and over again. Even though I didn’t know my real Daddy the way my heart earnestly wanted to, the answer I always seemed to get was “you matter to Me.”

My relationship with my Father was never strong enough for me to realize that He was all I truly needed. During my teenage years I realized that what I searched for in other people could easily be found by retreating to a place where I could hear His voice and sense His presence. It was during the darkest moments of my life that I actually discovered real love. Love that doesn’t forget, love that doesn’t desert, love that doesn’t ignore, love that doesn’t leave when I face devastating experiences, love that stays even when I’m unpleasant, love that doesn’t reject, love that says “you matter”.

It was then that I learned what faithfulness was all about.

God surely speaks encouragement to my heart through people, but when those dark days of questioning my worth snuck up on me I realized that He was the only one I could count on to tell me how valuable I was and how much I really mattered to Him. Even now there’s no waiting around for someone to hug me or tell me they love me because He’s already done it, often times before I get to the questioning point (He knows me very well!). And I'm happy to say that it is enough. More than enough, in fact, that when I was younger His voice became such a familiar language it’s the only one I ever fully remembered, and especially now it’s the only one I have to stand on.

My yearning to be loved by people is nothing to be shameful about. Human beings are wired for community with others. While I learned much and became strong through my life of human neglect, I believe no person should ever be robbed of human love. God knew this and that’s why He gave us an Outline to learn how to love people in His image. But, as we learn how to love others like He loves, we must understand that while they can be attentive listeners and encouragers, no human being will ever be sufficient to carry our greatest needs and desires. Human interaction and touch is comforting in many ways, but it can never measure to the fullness of God’s loving character towards us. I always wanted to share my dreams and desires with my family and friends, but since they didn’t listen I had the opportunity to share them with One who does. So now, for me, whether or not someone decides to open his or her heart to me at 3:30am when I need to talk doesn’t matter because it is in my sorrow, and joy, that I remember Who love is, why He listens and that He will never disappoint me like so many have.

The closeness that I share with my Father has taught me more about His character than I ever thought I was adequate enough to know. When God was all I had, I realized He was all I needed. There wasn’t a single person who could make me smile, giggle, and feel loved like He did (and still does). He’s the only one who didn’t superficially act as if I were important to him one day only to ignore me the next. He didn’t desert me when other people came into the picture. He didn’t hold my hand through trial A and not through trial B. Even now, regardless of those kinds of friends I have, my life is grounded with the knowledge that I have a Friend who will never leave me or forsake me. And for that, I am grateful.

Today, my heart fully belongs to the One who has never left my side. And as much as I desire to be married and have a family, I’m almost aching to have to give part of my heart away. Not because He won’t still have it, but because others will.

Through my experience I’ve become determined to not be the kind of person my friends and family were to me. I am determined to be a loving, attentive, and genuine friend, like Jesus was and is to me.

Please, Lord, teach me more about Your loving ways. Teach me authentic friendship. Teach me how to sacrifice my time, desires and needs for those you’ve placed in my life. Teach me how to love them unconditionally as You do. Let me not take Your place in their lives, but let me be a living mirror of You to them, and in all of my relationships. I love You, and to You be all the glory!

(Written while listening to “Learning to need You” by Justin McRoberts)

My broken heart

I don't know about you, but when I ask for something intentional that will draw me closer to the heart of God, I get it. And I get it fast.

For the past two years my biggest prayer has been, "Lord break my heart for what breaks yours"...
Not long after I prayed that I found myself weeping over the salvation of my immediate family, the children of Africa, the battlecry generation, and neglected children in general. My heart isn't just that God's Kingdom come and His will be done especially in these areas, but it's also to be so knit together with Him that when He cries for them I do, too. And to know that when I cry He does, too.

If there is one thing I've come to a sure knowledge of about God it's that He desires us to be so closely linked with Him that no key, saw or hammer can break the chain we have with Him. No amount of pressure could destroy the intimacy we have with Him. Regardless of pain, trials, and circumstances we can still know and have the heart of the living God and draw close to it even when our own heart seems to be already broken. The comfort is knowing His heart breaks for things just like ours does and that we can identify with Him. If we're willing to trust Him to work out our brokenness He can give us His.

When He quickly answered my prayer He wasn't messing around. I was sincere and so was He. So I'm not boo-hoo talking here. I'm talking as low as I can get, face to the floor, weeping so hard that I can barely move kind of heart breaking. There's no way I could ever make up the kind of pain my heart feels for what it does. All I know is that I count it a privledge to carry this portion in my heart.

Sure it hurts, in fact, it pierces my soul in ways I could never explain, but I have the honor of being so close to my Maker that I feel what He feels and know what He knows. His secrets are safe with me and mine are safe with Him. Sure everything in me wants to see my family jump up and down with joy, hop on a plane to Africa and wrap my arms around and forever hold those precious little ones, have conversations everyday with youth, and constantly play with and hug children everywhere I turn, but as I wait upon the Lord for His direction and provision to move in a few of these areas, I enjoy the closeness I share with Him.

I don't share this to say God isn't the Mighty One who doesn't rescue those who are hurting and in need. He does. But usually He does it in a unique fashion that pulls you and I into the divine mix. It develops us, equips us, transforms us and trains us for battle. And heck, for an opportunity to be THAT close with Him, and to plead with Him for His own heartache, you better believe I'll take His pain over my satisfaction.

Give this one a shot. Ask the Lord to break your heart for what breaks His. Be ready for a breathtaking movement in your heart and use it to draw closer to Him while you plead for it. He'll stir things in you that you never thought could be stirred and He'll mess you up in ways you never thought imaginable... but be encouraged. You'll get to know Him in ways you thought were impossible!

Stricken with love

11-9-07 12:47pm
Here I sit at Panera trying to read the few books I have to read for class, but I can’t concentrate. I never can. I can’t stop thinking about my Prince.

Who am I? Who am I that He rescued me? Who am I to deserve what He offers? I fiercely question, WHO AM I?!

I am in awe… He chose to think of ME. He chooses to spend time with ME. He chooses to love ME. He chose ME before the creation of the world. He knew the day I was born. He was there. And He’s here now. And all I can do is let my chin shake, with a tear rolling down my cheek as I struggle yet again to explain in words what I know and feel when I think of Him.

I’m replaying “Offering” by Third Day over and over again, and as I sit in my cozy booth in the corner near the door, feeling the chilled fall breeze as the door opens and closes, my eyes flood with tears… so much that I can barely see through my glasses as I type this. I am overwhelmed by God’s presence, His character, His nature…

He didn’t have to die on the cross for me. He didn’t! But He did… I write this gazing, staring out the window at the tree whose leaves are about to fall, thinking of the One man who has ever loved me enough to sacrifice His life for me so that I could know Him.

This I will never understand, but will always be thankful for.

I will never get enough of Him. I can never be satisfied without Him every breathing moment. When He tells me He dwells here, I melt. When He tells me He’s sent His angels to encamp around me, I quiver with joy. When I see Him smiling over me I cuddle to the closest material thing and stay there, in hopes of feeling His real, yet intangible touch, while hiding my face in humility, only to moments later lift my head and smile joyfully.

The littlest things He does and reminds me of capture me. All it takes is seeing His face and I’m a goner-stuck to His heart like a magnet on a refrigerator. When He reaches for my arms and pulls me close I can’t help but feel the warmth of His breath and touch. My Hero is closer than He sometimes seems.

That’s it. I have nothing to offer other than my love in return. I have more love than I could ever know what to do with, but I want more. Father, stay. I tremble when You’re near. Let me never forget Your love. I love spending my days with You. You are my Prince. Stay and study with me. I love You.

My Africa Revelation!

Last night I was sharing some of my testimony with a circle of friends. Part of my story speaks of how I was neglected as a child and I didn’t have parents who sought me. No one ever asked me what my dreams or passions were. My mom, dad and sister lived in the same house for my first fifteen years, but no body communicated with any body. I wasn’t disciplined and lived my childhood thinking no body loved me.

After sharing my testimony my friend asked me what some of my passions were and I joyfully shared that my heart bleeds for the children of Africa. I was asked if I knew what country in Africa the Lord had burdened me with and after saying no I emphasized the burden I have for the children. I told them my desires to just love them. I want to go to the villages and hug them, for as long as they want hugged. I want to be a safe place for them to cuddle, and cry, for as long as they need to. I want to cry with them and tell them that it is going to be all right. I want to kiss their foreheads and embrace them with the power of human touch. My motive is love, that’s it.

At this point, last night, God had not given me the reason for having the burden for the children of Africa. I just knew I had the passion to love them… but when I got around to sharing that part of the desire God gave me the greatest revelation! He wants to demonstrate the power of His redemption (how He restored the years the locusts had eaten with HIS love, in other words, the 20+ years I personally was robbed of human love) and use my broken, desolate life as a child as a vessel of outpouring His love to currently orphaned children (and I use that term lightly, meaning not necessarily "orphaned", but neglected as well). Aaaaaaah, Hallelujiah! Listen to this verse in Romans that God spoke to me!

"I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth..."
-Romans 9:17 (NIV)

The majority of African children are orphans and have no parents to love them or speak into their lives. Even though I had parents I felt like an abandoned orphan, until I was wrapped up in my Father’s arms and loved so much I didn’t even know how to receive it all! So who better to minister the love of Christ to orphaned children in Africa then a previously broken orphan herself?
It ALL makes sense, now!!!!!! Hallelujiah!!!!!!

The truth

Can I be raw and simplistic for a moment...

I was reading the story of David and Goliath this morning and all of a sudden I realized something. I don't have to have all the bronze armor that Goliath did, be 9 feet tall and super muscular (I imagine he was), and have all the "gear" for God to use me.

"But... why do you use me, Lord?" I found myself asking. "Why does it seem like I see You more than most people do? Why do I tremble at the thought of You when others don't? Why do my eyes suddently fill with tears, in the middle of class, when I think of what you have done?"

The questions kept coming... "Why do you answer me so quickly? Why do You and I have full-blown conversations when most people say they can never hear You?"

I guess they are pretty similiar to David's thoughts in his prayer (which I absolutely love). I think it amazes me so much because I ask these questions every day. . .
"Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? And as if this were not enough in your sight, O Sovereign Lord, you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign Lord? What more can David say to you? For you know your servant, O Sovereign Lord. for the sake of your word and according to your will, you have done this great thing and made it known to your servant." (2 Samuel 7:18-21, NIV)

One of the thoughts I so often ponder is why God choses me, a 3-yr baby in the Lord, of all people, to draw so many people to Himself. I can't understand it. But today it all became clear. God told me He uses me because I have a heart like David's.

So I reflected on that for a while and allowed 1 Samuel 16:7 to sink in...
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

Some other things have been on my mind lately and the Lord reminded me of this simple understanding that I tend to sometimes forget:
I don't have to know how to play every sport or even participate in every sport if I don't like it and I certainly don't have to be good at everything. I don't even have to love what every one else loves. All I simply need to do is keep being me. Silly, sometimes purposefully immature and over the top, but oh so passionate-for-Jesus me. Just continuing to love Who I love is enough. And that love is what God will use.

Struggling to Wait

A few months ago I recognized my heart was boiling with a certain desire. Such a desire, in fact, I found myself crawling before the Lord, almost daily, asking Him to bless my life with it. He told me my desire was in His will and said He desires to give me the desires of my heart. He even showed me how my life will be enriched by this gift. The only thing He told me that I wasn't happy with was that I'd have to. . . wait.

I'm always grateful when God speaks to me so intimately, and especially in this case, but I almost wish He would have held off on giving me this particular desire because it's so hard to wait.

The desire has gotten so intense that it's in my mind constantly; not an idol, but a persistent desire that I've chosen to pray a lot about. It's sometimes paralyzing because the moment I think about it I'm lost in the dream-in such anticipation that can't catch my breath. I want it so bad that I've been struggling to imagine life without it. Could I really enjoy my life without this?

It races in my mind all day as I am reminded of it nearly every where I go. I want it, I want it, I want it; but the Lord says wait, wait wait.

I actually got to a place tonight where I finally wore myself out thinking about it so much. I decided to retreat to my favorite place and just talk with Daddy about it. No more hiding behind the truth of my heart, no more acting as if the desire wasn't eating at my soul. I wanted to be completely transparent with my mind and heart. I needed to spill my guts.

So, I did. And He met me there. Here's what He said:

How big am I?
I desire to give you great things, Kellie.
Trust me.
Wait.

I know why He asked me the first question. Already I had begun to limit His sovreignty and dismiss the fact that He could help me deal with the "extras" that came along with the desire, like the constant thoughts and feelings of anticipation. But like the gentle guy He is He asked me if He is too big to help me, not only with the thoughts and feelings, but with waiting. My heart knew the answer, but my mind didn't. Thankfully, a few moments later I said, "Of course not, Lord..." and received yet another revelation of God's amazing love.

An hour and a half later, I was more than content with hearing from the Lord. But as I walked back home, just enjoying the stars, I heard God ask me another question:

"Kellie, do you need this?"

God can be so humorous sometimes. I sensed the fatherly tone He used when asking me the question. I actually pictured Him sitting me down, gently looking into my eyes and firmly asking the question. And again, I got the humility check. Yet, it's interesting. . . The "Who am I to you?" question never seems to get old. I can always use the reminder.

My answer to the question was no and before I had time to question the word that just came out of my mouth I realized something. This desire of mine is something I can live without. I don't want to live without it and will not have to someday, but for now all I want to truly desire is Jesus.
And I do. He is sufficient.

"And earth has nothing I desire besides you."

Wow. What a great lesson from Psalm 73. Jesus is enough.

I knew Jesus was enough in my heart, but my mind was telling me otherwise. Fighting to keep them both in place can be a struggle, and in this particular regard it has been a big one for me. But tonight was the night I fully surrendered my desire. It's His again. And He can bless me with my heart's desire when He is ready.

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise
I rise
I rise.

-Maya Angelou


***I LOVE this... I feel like she wrote it just for me!

My dates with Daddy. . .

Day after day I find myself pondering our God. How can He love me this much? Why is He so good to me? Why does he choose to reveal Himself to me when I least expect it, let alone when I don’t deserve it?

When I think of these and all the questions I have ever pondered I am left with only this as my weakest defense: Infinite is Who He is and love is why He is. Understanding that offers me the delight of walking in the fullness of God. The most incredible piece all, though, happens when I am in communion with Christ because in Him each morning bounces with new expectations. Hope is re-assured, purpose is clear and faith makes more sense.

This past week I have been innately drawn to the center of campus, specifically the circle surrounding the fountain and trees. As soon as I wake up all I can think about is being there. My mind races with all the ways I can dream and dance with my Daddy. Envisioning my date with Him goes something like this, “maybe today I can dance for Him in the grass, twirl in circles with my head towards the sky, or sing for Him as I walk along the brick. Maybe I can just kneel before Him beside the trees and melt in His presence. Or perhaps I can run around, do cartwheels or just sit and enjoy the sweet smell of creation. . .”

In many ways, this campus has become my place of retreat. It is the place where I can be with Dad and know that He is there with me. Being here is not about maintaining a one-sided relationship, though, where I go only to talk to him; He speaks back and often in surprising ways. Sometimes a butterfly will fly around my head, an animal will stare at me as if it is smiling, or the trees whisper an irrevocable sweetness that calms my soul. Hearing His voice is certainly not over-rated, but sensing His pleasure is indescribable.

One early morning I retreated to this place for a jog and ten minutes in I found myself in the grass, on my knees in worship. Another morning during a jog I could not wipe the smile off my face. During a jog one evening in 75 degree weather my body remained in chills at the thoughts of Him. My favorite jog of all, though, is when the joy of the Lord overwhelms me with laughter. Sometimes the sudden laughter is so intense I have to stop just to catch my breath!

Nature has always captivated me, but this past month has taken me farther than the finite beauties and into a place of infinity where possibilities are endless. The sun reminds me to let my light shine. The sky reminds me there are no limits. The birds sing of the lullabies God sings over me. The grass reminds me of the real foundation upon which my feet firmly stand. Trees encourage me to stand tall and remain strong in the faith. The cleanliness of water excites my need for a Savior. And the list goes on.

The supremacy of Christ has caused me to look beyond what is seen. It has brought me to a deeper and fuller knowledge of God’s love. Bedtime is not simply the last routine thing I do anymore; it is an opportunity to ponder what surprises await me for tomorrow. Tomorrow is not only a new day of discovery, but a time for divine encounter with the Father of love.

I'm a Virginia Resident! Yay!

So I'm now officially a Virginia resident.
I feel so lovely.

haha seriously, I was jumping up and down in the driver's seat of my car after I got my new license. You have no idea what kind of hassles I've been experiencing JUST to make it this far!

I titled and registered my car here, too. Not sure why, but for a year and a half I've sensed the Lord wants me in Virginia for a while, so I did all the necessary paperwork to make it official... aaaaand nearly $300.00 later... I'm officially a Virginia resident.

Following the Lord DOES cost every thing.

Fighting to fight the good fight Continued...

In conjunction with the previous post...

I find it so interesting that before I laid down for bed I ended up in the Word again and God suddenly brought me here:

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:14-16

Even more amazing, in response to my words about persevering, the Lord showed me this:
"And since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching."
Hebrews 10:21-25

Amen! I am SO thankful the Lord knows exactly how I feel! More than that, He's there for me to approach and if I approach with confidence He will be generous enough to supply me with mercy and grace to pull me through...

(2nd scripture)
Then I'm encouraged to have full assurance of faith; reminded of his faithfulness; encouraged again by counsel to meet with the body; then to encourage and be encouraged.

Woooooah! I think God is speaking to me about this battle with spiritual warfare! AMEN, AMEN, and AMEN! What a marvelous God... who is like Him?!?!

Fighting to fight the good fight

Is any one else experiencing this?
Am I the only one who is fighting to fight the good fight????

There's been a lot of tension in my spiritual life this past week. I've been SO excited to experience deeper intimacy with the Lord and even have, but as soon as I make the choice to enter into worship the devil is right there shutting me up or whispering lies. When I begin to engage in worship sometimes, out of nowhere, I'll completely shut down- mind, mouth, and movement. It's a powerful experience that leaves me feeling frusterated because I find myself confused, wondering what I was even praying for and why. Thankfully, I've been able to discern this latest attempt to destroy me through distraction, but you wanna honestly know something? It pisses me off! The devil pisses me off!

Recently I was at a prayer meeting where I was blown away by the prayer warriors in the Army of God... but instead of walking away encouraged with a deeper faith, I walked away discouraged, wondering why I couldn't recite scripture like every one else.

For a long time I struggled like Jeremiah. My mind simply could not comprehend while the God of all creation would want to and use some one like me. I'm a far cry from perfect and felt I had nothing to offer the kingdom of God or the kingdom of darkness (for salvation sake). I went back and forth with the Lord JUST like Jeremiah did in the first chapter. I was convinced my 20 years of life would only depress people instead of encourage them. I allowed people to walk all over me my entire life and use my age as the determining factor of my intelligence (what a LOAD of crap)... "You're 18 years old... You're 20 years old..." and even now, "You're 22 years old, what do you know?"

It took a mighty word from the Lord to barely comprehend what I could offer Jesus and others. It took His love to break that vicious lie and the power of His transformation to make this 22-year old have something to say that WILL benefit someone else. Along with the grace of God and a few other revelations, here's what God bodly spoke to me and what completely changed my mindset:
"Don't let any one look down on you because you're young. But instead, set an example for the believers in speech, life, love, faith and purity."1 Timothy 4:12

I fell in love with that scripture and I now claim it, but lately I've been struggling to keep fighting the good fight Paul urges us to fight and when I struggle to fight for this good fight of faith I struggle with my divine calling to set an example, because it's rooted from faith. You gotta know that I love Jesus with all my heart... I WANT to be this example, and I WANT to keep fighting. It's just hard sometimes.

The minute my mouth wants to open for prayer the devil closes it and tells me I don't pray well enough. I'm constantly being picked at, sinking into the destructive realm of discouragement. The whispers get louder and louder and my mouth gets quieter and quieter. The king of darkness pushes me further and further into the hole and makes me think my prayer life is not working because it's not as good as some one else's. When I continue to hear the same words out of my mouth during prayer he whispers that I'm not an authentic Christian because sometimes I declare the exact same prayer every day. Then he tells me they aren't doing any good. It's such crap. He is attacking me EVERY WHERE and I am SO tired of it!!!!!!

Admist the warfare I heard the Lord speak "resist the devil and he will flee from you".
Okay. Great. Amen! Thanks Lord!

His word is just what I needed to hear, but let me just say, it's unbelievably challenging and quite frankly irritating to struggle during the resisting part! My persona has a natural fight inclination already, thankfully only for the Kingdom's sake, but what is normally a simple task for me (kicking the devil to the curb without a second thought) is now extremely difficult. Usually, I can recognize his craftiness right away and rebuke it, but now he's sneaking in EVERY crack that's available in my life and using it to his advantage. It's like he's one of those kittens that attaches themselves to a couch with their new claws. They remain clinging to the one thing that will sustain them until someone pulls them off. Only for us, PRAYER and keeping intimacy with Jesus is what pulls the devil off our back. Resisting him and our flesh is our way of releasing his grip on us. WE have to make the choice to fight him and trust God to perfect his strength in our weakness. Ah, the glory of the Lord! Halleluiah!

This is strong spiritual warfare... I'm completely struggling to NOT let the devil reign. Truth is, fighting to fight can be mentally exhausting. It has the potential to suck every passionate drop of vigor out of you and can actually leave you in a fighting mindset; one that compliments and entertains wordly thoughts instead of godly ones. Battling the enemy and fighting for blessings is by far the most difficult supernatural encounter I've ever had to face because my heart and mind are at war. I can always appreciate the experience in perseverance, though!

One thing is for sure: I am SICK and TIRED of him messing with me. The games are way old by now. I so desperately want to use the faith I developed during my cancer trial to BEAT HIM DOWN just like I did then! Only through screaming him off and declaring scripture was I able to receive the healing God had for me. I want that back. I pray for the strength to hang on and not give in. The devil is trying to destroy my prayer life because he knows prayer is his biggest threat in me and others. I'm sure he remembers how God won the battle and healed me of cancer through my faith and fervent prayer... so of course he's going to try and shut me down and keep me from praying. News for him: My name means warrior and you better believe I'm not giving in without a fight!

Through all of this I've learned that the Lord desires so much out of me. He wants me to remember Paul and beat my body and make it my slave soas to win others for Christ's sake. I choose to wake up early and pray on behalf of the lost. I choose to surrender to the Christ in me and use my body in whatever way is needed to serve others. God himself has called me to a deeper prayer life and He's waiting on me to dig deeper-it's been confirmed by other people. I'm thankful it didn't take super long for me to realize these trials can also create testimonies that will further influence a generation. WOW!

I'm ready to quit praising the devil and keep praising God for His protection from temptation, discernment, goodness, and all of the above! I'm ready to quit telling you how big the struggle is with spiritual warfare and remind myself and you how BIG our God is!
I'm gonna keep fightin' y'all! I appreciate your prayer support! :)

I'm content

(This is me being a Regent in disquise!)


Amazingly, I am perfectly content.
How does that happen?

It’s the art of being content in all circumtances.

Mastering the finest counsel of all time can seem impossible, but when saturated with clarity and matched with a passionate heart, practicing wise counsel is a piece of cake. Learning from a man of integrity, it becomes second nature.

Paul, one of my many inspirations, taught me the rich benefits of always walking in contentment. If I could understand how to be content in every circumstance I wouldn't be disappointed and react as if I were never given a good gift. I'd always have a reason to give thanks.

From personal experience I know that walking in contentment is liberating and it births a revival in body, spirit and soul. Setting “things” aside to indulge in life without “things” is incredibly edifying, but it requires sacrifice. Ah, sacrifice: the word we all hate, but it’s the one that represents the very element qualifying us as recipients of freedom.

Liberation doesn't come from only repeating "I will be content in all situations", it's conducive of living your claim, or being a “doer” of your word. It delivers blossoming benefits-ones that are smaller to see, yet larger to produce an experience. They spark a new zeal, birth a fragrant breath and create a new season of joy.

“I have learned to become content in all situations” is a learned behavior; one that must be practiced with purposeful intentions. While most of us would complain about being left in a new circumstance, Paul urges people embrace simple things found in every one. In a country well-known for its fancy diamonds, expensive cars and over-sized houses, embracing the simple things can seem too far-fetched to even consider. The question then remains, “Why bother enjoying less than what I could have?”

The life-sucking truth behind that question is found behind every face. The mentality of a materialistic person is limited. It’s unlimited to the man who opens himself to new life experiences, aside from material things. Being content suggests vulnerability-the word that threatens so much of us that we shut the door before even logically thinking about it or going beyond our comfort zone. Tragically, the saga continues and people furiously find a way to avoid the area of contentment. The result ends in a selfishly missed, bountiful supply of zeal, refreshment and joy.

Give this a shot. Try to be content in all situations. Instead of purchasing that larger mattress, sleep on the one you have. Heck, sleep on the floor for a few days. Get to the level where some of the children from northern India are and practice thanksgiving for the fact that you don’t have to sleep on the ground amongst lethal scorpions. Instead of complaining about not having enough money, appreciate your full refrigerator. Instead of buying that brand new car, enjoy the one that gets you from where you are to where you’re going, remembering there are others who can only afford to walk. Enjoy the practice of contentment-you can’t be anything but liberated!

Stuff

(This was written right before I moved to VA Beach-it was created in hopes of speaking to the crowd on MySpace/Facebook)

So here I lay on a sheetless, air mattress in an empty room, in an empty house. No table to hold my laptop, no dresser to set my alarm clock on, no desk to store paperwork. The few, most important things are among me laying on the floor around my new bed. And this is where I stay for a week.

As I laid down, took a deep breath and glanced around the bland room, I suddenly appreciated the treasure of simplicity. It’s shockingly cleansing to the soul. How much simpler is life without “things” everywhere?

Laying here, I have what may seem to be a peculiar sense of contentment. This season of a short week in my room is a treasure. It’s not very often I’m surrounded by plain drywall-I like to call this my beige bliss that serves as a daily dose of refreshment. Truth is, there’s something intangible and far-fetched about being surrounded by four walls of one color, with nothing on them. It’s like reaching for the star your arm is never long enough to grab. It’s too deep to physically get a hold of, yet totally possible to experience.

Most people would say, “Are you CRAZY for still sleeping in the house when all of your “stuff” is gone?” No. I’m not crazy. I simply realized I don’t NEED stuff to enjoy a bedroom in a house. Having stuff is a privilege-one I am thankful for, but that does not deliver complete satisfaction while having.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people absorb inferiority having more stuff, when actually the less stuff we have can create liberation in its simplest sense. So, the more stuff we have the more prideful we become, the less stuff we have the more free and appreciative we become. Why do we keep getting this backwards?

Boy, all of this reminds me of the fascinating and oh-so-true piece George Carlin wrote about the idea of having “stuff”:

George Carlin - A place for my stuff
Actually this is just a place for my stuff, ya know? That's all, a little place for my stuff. That's all I want, that's all you need in life, is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table, everybody's got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff, that's your stuff, that'll be his stuff over there. That's all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That's all your house is: a place to keep your stuff. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't need a house. You could just walk around all the time. A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it. You can see that when you're taking off in an airplane. You look down, you see everybody's got a little pile of stuff. All the little piles of stuff.

And when you leave your house, you gotta lock it up. Wouldn't want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take the good stuff. They never bother with that crap you're saving. All they want is the shiny stuff. That's what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get...more stuff! Sometimes you gotta move, gotta get a bigger house. Why? No room for your stuff anymore.

Did you ever notice when you go to somebody else's house, you never quite feel a hundred percent at home? You know why? No room for your stuff. Somebody else's stuff is all over the place! And if you stay overnight, unexpectedly, they give you a little bedroom to sleep in. Bedroom they haven't used in about eleven years. Someone died in it, eleven years ago. And they haven't moved any of his stuff! Right next to the bed there's usually a dresser or a bureau of some kind, and there's NO ROOM for your stuff on it. Somebody else's crap is on the dresser. Have you noticed that their stuff is crap and your crap is stuff? Wow! And you say, "Get that crap offa there and let me put my stuff down!"

Sometimes you leave your house to go on vacation. And you gotta take some of your stuff with you. Gotta take about two big suitcases full of stuff, when you go on vacation. You gotta take a smaller version of your house. It's the second version of your stuff. And you're gonna fly all the way to Honolulu. Gonna go across the continent, across half an ocean to Honolulu. You get down to the hotel room in Honolulu and you open up your suitcase and you put away all your stuff. "Here's a place here, put a little bit of stuff there, put some stuff here, put some stuff--you put your stuff there, I'll put some stuff--here's another place for stuff, look at this, I'll put some stuff here..." And even though you're far away from home, you start to get used to it, you start to feel okay, because after all, you do have some of your stuff with you.

That's when your friend calls up from Maui, and says, "Hey, why don'tchya come over to Maui for the weekend and spend a couple of nights over here." Oh, no! Now what do I pack? Right, you've gotta pack an even SMALLER version of your stuff. The third version of your house. Just enough stuff to take to Maui for a coupla days. You get over to Maui--I mean you're really getting extended now, when you think about it. You got stuff ALL the way back on the mainland, you got stuff on another island, you got stuff on this island. I mean, supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

You get over to your friend's house on Maui and he gives you a little place to sleep, a little bed right next to his windowsill or something. You put some of your stuff up there. You put your stuff up there. You got your Visine, you got your nail clippers, and you put everything up. It takes about an hour and a half, but after a while you finally feel okay, say, "All right, I got my nail clippers, I must be okay." That's when your friend says, "Aaaaay, I think tonight we'll go over the other side of the island, visit a pal of mine and maybe stay over." Aww, no. NOW what do you pack? Right--you gotta pack an even SMALLER version of your stuff. The fourth version of your house. Only the stuff you know you're gonna need. Money, keys, comb, wallet, lighter, hanky, pen, smokes, rubber and change. Well, only the stuff you HOPE you're gonna need.

From George Carlin, A Place For My Stuff, Brain droppings, 2000.

How do you title something like this?

Who ever said transition=change was SO right.

I move to Virginia Beach three days ago to live on-campus and EVERY thing changes. Of course I'm happy because I'm unpacked, my sleeping and eating schedule is back on track and I'm back to getting buff in the fitness center, but more than that, God is showing Himself to me in the most profound way. I'm completely captivated.

I'm already an all-the-time pray-er, but tonight as I was praying for some people I noticed that my prayer life has dramatically climaxed... I'm praying words I've never prayed before and and for people I've never prayed for before-people I barely know and some I've never met. It's clearly evident the Holy Spirit is at work because there's no way I could have came up with those prayers, let alone know who I was praying for and why. They seem to be getting more dynamic, without my even knowing it.

To the re-heeeeaallly cool part...
Halfway through my prayer I realized I had closed my eyes (other than morning prayer, I just talk to the Lord while I'm doing things and driving so I don't close my eyes) and my mouth kept going, but my head was trying to play catch up. It was such a unique experience; I was on the inside looking out at my body through my inside eyes, watching the Holy Spirit guide my every word. The entire time I was thinking "oh my gosh, this isn't you praying! this isn't you!", yet my mouth was still praying for these precious people I so dearly love. It was incredible!

I've had one other similar scenario, where I saw myself on the inside of my body looking out thinking "Wait, what did you say? Slow down!" It reminds me of the baby penguin in the movie, Happy Feet. He was talking while he was inside the egg, yet his shell was doing his own thing dancing around every where until its breakthrough reached and the shell finally cracked. This happened to me and my "crack" was closing prayer in tongues. What a phenomenal experience!

Since I've been walking with Christ I have recognized the power of the supernatural, but what lies behind the capacity of my understanding, in the "known" realm, is realizing I'm living in God's presence all the time. It's more evident and understood during times of complete surrender and when my faith is simply stirred thinking of His marvelous ways. Only then do I slip into "awe" mode, pondering why the God of all the Earth even cares to extend that kind of intimacy to me.

After little thought I came to the conclusion that this is the Lord speaking for and using me as an intervention for his lost sheep. My temporary response is silence-I mean, what do you say to a God who works so powerfully in you? Once the "awe" phase begins to unfold a little I'm able to offer thanksgiving for the level of intimacy Jesus freely extends. I understand that I am not created to understand the depth of His love, and it goes hand-in-hand with the reason I cannot fathom why He chooses to use me as a divine instrument in expanding the Kingdom, but one thing is for sure: the GREATNESS of our God reigns!

Perhaps the most astonishing element of this encounter with Jesus is that it came during communication with Him. God speaks when we don't, but he surely speaks when we do, too. All I did was approach Him with a humble, pure heart and present the requests I had at the time, for a few people I love. That extended into praying for the salvation of my friends and family. Before I knew it, the Holy Spirit was making His grand entrance through my mouth. I've said this before, but who knew it could be so simple to be led by the Lord? The power of the Holy Spirit is as active today as He was two thousand years ago!

On a personal note, what I find interesting is that these supernatural experiences have blossomed over these past few days while living on campus. There isn't a doubt in my mind God has called me to Regent University and I've pondered how my relationship with Him would grow, develop and prosper while here. Well, whew! I guess He's showing me early!

I gotta tell ya, I'm convinced Regent is spiritually anointed, beyond our wildest expectations! The Lord's hand is upon every person here! Supernatural things are happening and will continue to happen on this campus. I see it. I feel it. I hear it. I taste it. I'm experiencing it. God is here and He's actively pursuing us, calling us and leading us to a higher place of maturity in Him. I fully believe there are miracles God wants to bring about: revivals, baptisms, whole-hearted surrender, healing and more! I believe there are new spiritual gifts He's about to pour on His precious children in this generation! How exciting! Praise God!

Another attempt to destroy my vision

Whew... today my engine set sail on this latest notion that came from an older gentleman today. I was shocked at what he said and how he said it.

Here's how the conversation went:
"So, you're leaving?"
"Yep! headed to Va beach to finish my degree"
very questionably, as if he were talking to a young, naive girl, "uhh. why Virginia Beach?"
"The Lord led me to Regent University, sir."
"Oh. right. What is your focus?"
"My major is Professional Communication. With my HACC credits I should be considered a sophomore when I transfer."
"What does that entail?"
"Its focus is geared towards raising leaders to communicate effectively through professional avenues. It basically prepares students for work in the professional atmosphere like PR, for example. i'm very excited!"
(rolling his eyes in a discusted state) "haha. another one of those schools that's gonna quote"change the world".."
"well, yeah! in fact, that's Regent's mission statement."
"HA! these schools think that they can make one person change the world and make it a quote 'a better place'. they're cynical" (shakes his head and walks away)

After tilting my head sideways and squinting my eyes as I watched his back while he walked away, I sat there puzzled. Wow. No wonder our world is suffering. All of the division, murder, immorality, strife, bitterness, it isn't enough. We have to bury those with misaligned, wrong and bitter attitudes - ones that serve only to discourage, defeat and disarm the faith of every believer out there. You know, 'Where's Waldo' isn't the well-known game anymore - I'm playing the never ending game of 'Where's all the optimistic people?'

Can we please make any room for the optimists to prosper in their inspired vision?

Gosh, there's nothin' like being around a pessimistic, hopeless person. It's only after you realize they're just as you were before Jesus was able to fill you completely with His Spirit of life that you can see them through a different lense. If you're anything like me, it takes a minute or two for that part to completely register and the first minute of "reaction" in your head goes a little something like this, "you're kidding me, right? did you just stomp on the greatest vision of redemption for all mankind through "changing the world"? more than that, one that Jesus Himself appointed for me most recently at Regent University, and for you if you would WAKE UP!"
(Harsh, I know. My mind totally processes conversations this way sometimes. There's a more gentle answer... and thankfully I accepted the rejection without saying what was in my mind... it all just took a few minutes to process... I'm working on that!)

C'mon, mister. You've gotta start somewhere. And somewhere starts with some body. And some body starts from some One.
THIS is why I am attending Regent University! To engage in the learning methods of changing the world through ONE man, Jesus Christ.

What a clever attempt at blowing out the one candle that you are burning! None the less, coming from a man in his early 70's who could be setting a prominent example for a young woman like myself. I guess the legacy around here is to 'choke 'em a little bit with your pessimism and knock down yet another boisterous student who wants nothing more than to prove to the world that IT NEEDS JESUS!

What's tragic is that constantly listening to someone like that has the capability to blow out that one candle that keeps burning inside of you. That kind of attitude can suffocate a person of purpose! I don't know about you, but I refuse to constantly listen to people who dishearten the vision God has called me to join. It's destructive in the Kingdom and I won't allow it to penetrate my soul.

After conversations like these, I become so thankful for spiritual family. I'm thankful to have friends who love God as much as I do - ones who can understand these worldy frusterations and stand up to the challenge of making a difference. I'm thankful to now be at Regent and in an atomosphere where I can be encouraged and challenged for growth in the Lord - where my inspired dreams to change the world through Christian leadership are supported, raised up to the Father, and moreso acknowledged by an army of warriors on fire for the living God!

(I'm experiencing a lot of these responses from people lately... any one think the enemy KNOWS God has a bright future planned for me?!)

GOD IS FAITHFUL TO THE FAITHFUL!

I sit here amazed. Ugh-MAZED.

How can the God of all the earth be SO good to me?

One of the dishes on my plate in regards to moving to VA is the fact that I'd be breaking my current condo lease (I just moved in here this January). If another tenant wasn't lined up by the time I leave on 7/31, I'd be responsible for the full rent each month until the landlord found someone. Not to mention, this particular condo was advertised for rent for three months before I found it; landlord said he had a terrible time trying to rent it. Not a pleasant thought for a woman breaking the lease.

The Lord knew my concern. I reminded Him quite often of my remaining faithful to His will despite the "appearance" of the entire transition. Nothing about moving to VA was in plain view for me to see, but I KNEW Regent was His will for me and since it was, I believed He wouldn't leave me hanging with loose ends when I went.
So, I didn't fret about it. I didn't cry about it. I simply told Him I knew this was His will for my life and I was trusting Him to have someone lined up to take the place.
Meanwhile, people surrounding me were becoming worried that I'd be "stuck" with paying rent for a place I won't be living in. I couldn't understand that. How can someone else be worried about the Lord not fulfilling His promises to me? What they didn't understand is that I knew all along my hands didn't belong on the steering wheel, so I didn't go there.
Not a single fiber in my being was concerned about someone NOT renting my place-it was only a matter of time. I knew my God and I knew his faithfulness.

I get a phone call today from the landlord, who tells me he found a nice couple who are willing to move in 8/1! He cleared their credit and 775 now belongs to them!

Didn't I tell you God is faithful!!!!!!! You can't tell me He doesn't listen to our earnest pleas and concerns! Don't tell me He doesn't have a plan lined up for our lives! All it requires is that we humbly seek His face and desire His will above our own... who knew it could be so simple?

For the first time, like ever, I'm speechless!

My Speeding Ticket

Soooo... after driving seven hours from va beach home I reach the wonderful town of... home. I was completely exhausted and all I wanted to do was get home and sleep. Work the next day was going to be a NIGHTMARE because I missed the first day of the month, which is filled with new reports to do. But, I realized I forgot to call my aunt back so when I was in town I called her while I was driving. Big mistake.

I was less than a mile from home and was still in interstate driving mode (doing 70-75 the entire way home). I finally hit the rural area of my neighborhood, a road that I rarely drive on, and totally forgot the speed limit drops to 25... I was clocked doing 50 in a 25.As I gulped down the warm diet coke that I had almost finished from my Mickey D stop I said to my mom "aaahhh, you're KIDDING me, right??????? well, it's okay, I'm sure I'll get a warning."Uh, no. Try a $167 speeding ticket instead.

I figured the cop didn't want to hear my sap story about how my foot was still intuitively glued to the gas pedal, so I shut my mouth, took the citation and said "thanks, officer." Then, tired, emotional me wept a few tears on my way home, remained discouraged over the fact that I would have to pull from my college savings to pay this and it wasn't until five minutes ago I started to see the "bright" side of things, since there's always one to every situation.

God whispered, "Kellie, you have your health. You have a house. You have food. You have family. You have a job. You have A FUTURE. It's not necessary to be worrysome about a ticket. Take the lesson, pay it and move on." I was reminded of the parable Jesus references in regards to paying taxes. "Give to Ceasar what is Ceasars." The moral of this story is, I screwed up and I have a consequence. I can either choose to dwell on it and cause my body stress, or I can accept that I acted like a fool, pay my dues and move on. It all comes down to a choice. It's THAT simple.

As usual, it took me some time to hear from Him, only because I shut Him out of some things, mostly "the small things", thinking they're not important enough to include Him in. Boy is THAT wrong thinking! I realized, UGH-GEN, when I include the Lord in EVERY situation and circumstance I'm able to see His way out and it's ALWAYS better than mine.

OMG! As I was finishing the last sentence on here I heard a doorbell. Marcy came to my room and said "dude the cops are after you!!!" (hahaha i can laugh about it now cause its funny) i'as like "what?!" sure enough, a cop was at my door... he told me to call the officer who pulled me over. Something was wrong on the citation. He said it could be in or out of my favor.I called and was told my citation was $30 more than it should have been because I was doing a 50 in a 35 instead of a 25. WOAH! Thanks Lord!!!! $30 is $30 I can now use to fill up my tank that I was concerned about! haha the Lord is SO good!!!! He is a God of MERCY! I learned my lesson and He STILL remained faithful to provide for my needs! This is what happens when you include Him in EVERYTHING! :)

Coming to Va Beach this weekend!

soooooooo guess what! i am traveling to the wonderful area of virginia beach this weekend! my campus tour is scheduled for this Friday!
My mom, aunt and I are driving down Friday morning. My momma is driving three hours to meet me after work then we're driving two hours to Northern VA to stay at my aunt's house then Friday morning we're first stopping at Dunkin Donuts for a french vanilla coolatta (my new favorite thing EVER haha) and then we are headed to Reeeeeegent!
i'm meeting up with my super wonderful halarious friend Stephen on Saturday afternoon for lunch then I'm going to THE BEACH all day!!! it's going to be soooo wonderful :) My 2nd cousin is a professor at Regent and my mom and aunt haven't seen him since they played together when they were kids so we're meeting up with his family that evening for ice cream.
Sunday morning I'm headed to Yorktown with Steve to check out his church. It looks AMAZING and the people seem very warm and inviting. I come from a small church of about 50 so joining a huge church like Waters Edge will be different, but surely nourishing for me, if that's where the Lord wants me. We'll see.
Sunday night we'll be at New Life Providence church for my aunt's best friend's dance ministry production. Apparently it's a huuuge ministry and Joan, my aunt's best friend who is behind the entire ministry, travels all over the world with her team to perform. It should be awesome. I'm hoping to see my old pastors and their daughter from my church here, who moved down to Va Beach about two years ago and are members of New Life.
Thennnnn we get to pack back up and leave early Monday morning to come back to Haaarrriiisburrrrg. Blah! I can't wait to be in VA for good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One more month, I can hardly believe it... ahhhh God is sooo good!

Hero

Back in the sweet ol' town of Reynoldsville, during the crisp summers of the mid 1990's you were sure to hear kids playing on the allys, eggs hitting houses, parents yelling "DINNNNER!" at the top of their lungs, Kellie and Shannon fighting, but most importantly, little girls singing their hearts out in their bedroom to Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston. Most of the time the voices weren't ear catching, but parents listened as they went along with their business, simply to add a chuckle to their day. So, who was included in the "little girls"? You guessed it! Meeeeee!

My voice wasn't good persay, but I used whatever energy within me to produce a loud "noise" - one that was unexpectedly sure to be heard a mile way. Every opportunity that was available those summers were made expanding the seriously non-talented vocal chords inside my throat. Because my parents decided to take the innocently sweet way of avoiding the "you suck" conversation, it took me a while to figure out why Tucker, the town cop, was at our house nearly every three to four months telling us to "keep the noise down". [Riiiiiiiiiight. It all makes sense, now... ah, the delight of what you learn when you become an AH-DULT]

By the time I was a mid-teen my voice had deepened a little, my bed was worn from all the jumping and the walls were cracking (from the lovely voice, of course... In all seriousness, though, my proof is in the pudding! Brit knows allll about these 'ol Mariah Carey singing days so I highly recommend you ask her how productive we were with our time aside from the barbie-doll playing, "cow-a-bunga" swingset game, and my FAV gave EVER, chasing her older brother and his friends around)! She can testify to the dancing on the bed and the out-of-this-world singing to Mariah Carey's new #1 hit "Always Be My Baby". We may notta been the next Mariah's, but our range was... awesome.

You can probably tell that one of my favorite artists was Mariah Carey. Over and over again I sang my favorite song, Hero, only because the words had easily clung in my brain and I simply liked the melody. The song always remained special to me, without any understanding or reason, and it was a long fourteen years later that my eyes were awakened with the significance of its lyrics. It happened on my way home from church while my roomate popped in Mariah's cd and "Hero" came on. I went from laughing to becoming silent. My eyes welled up with tears and my heart filled with thanksgiving and joy. I couldn't understand why it had taken me so long to REALLY listen to the words and grasp the power behind its message. It dawned on me that day Who my Hero had been all along. He hadn't just rescued me when I was 20, but He'd been my Hero since I was a little girl singing to Him without even knowing it. Everything became evidently clear and although this seems to be such a simple principle it becomes the deepest revelation when you take a moment to re-examine your life.

As I heard the song my mind couldn't help but rewind to my childhood days. I think I was about 14 when I accepted Jesus into my life on my dad's couch, around 5:45am one morning before school. It wasn't unusual for me to awaken early to watch Joyce Meyer on TV before heading to the bus stop because she was my new favorite "old lady"! I prayed the prayer with her that morning and over the next few years my Dad and I went to church on and off. We attended services at a non-denominational church for a while after the divorce and that was as far as it went. I knew OF Jesus, but I didn't KNOW Him. I never learned of a real, living relationship with Him until I reached my breaking point after turning 20 and tried "the church thing", for a third time in my life. Only at the place of complete surrender on my part - weeping and saturated in hopless tears; deperately crying out for truth, signficance and emotional healing, of the least of all my needs, was I able to understand the real meaning of the word Hero.

(Before you read this I encourage you to purchase Mariah's song, Hero, on iTunes and really listen to its lyrics)Here are the lyrics of the song, jumbled with a few of my words, much like a diary entry. It reflects what I recognized this past Sunday afternoon.
"My strength comes from my Hero. He lives inside of me. But it took me 20 years to truly look inside my heart, setting aside all fear of facing the junk that was inside. The Answer was within my soul the entire time, waiting to melt away my sorrow. My Hero was coming along side of me, armed with Strength, wanting me to cast my fear on Him knowing that I can only survive with Him. When hope was gone, I could look insde and be strong because that's where He was. There I could see the Truth: my Hero was within me the entire time. The long road came when I faced the world all alone. Without Him. Later I found Real Love, when I searched within myself. He was waiting there all along. The emptiness disappeared. When my Hero came along this time, He came armed with all the Strength I needed to carry on - after I cast my cares aside, I KNEW I could survive. When I felt like hope was gone, I looked inside to see the TRUTH - to see my Hero. The One Who was waiting on ME! *Dreams are hard to follow, but don't let anyone tear them away* Every one knocks my dreams, but I WON'T LET THEM TEAR MY DREAMS AWAY! They were given unto me only by You, my Hero! and I WILL accomplish them through You! the One Who has stuck by my side when every one else abandoned me! You say, Hold on, there will be tomorrow. In time, (Your time) I'll find The Way. It took me way too long to find Your Way the first time, but 'll keep holding on to see I'll be on The Way tomorrow! When I feel like hope is gone, I'll look inside me and be strong and I'll finally see the Truth again, that my Hero lies in me."

"The Attitude Adjustment"

Soooo... I accepted an offer for a 4 bedroom suite at Regent! I've paid the security deposit and everything is official! I have a place to live on campus! This is really happening! Aaahhh! Hallelujah!

Buuuut. Here's the thing. My initial desire was to have my own apartment. I believed and believed and believed the Lord would have it for me - to the point where I couldn't believe any more. My idea of how this would all look was as crystal clear as the chandelier hanging in the White House - looking at it made everything else seem so unattractive and unappealing.

What's interesting and perhaps the most thought provoking piece of this entire puzzle, though, is what I'm learning in regards to surrender. Ah, that word we all dread sometimes... and the following attitude, "You mean... I have to do what God Almighty says? Like allow Him to lead me into my destiny because He thinks He knows me better than... ME?"

See, it wasn't that my believing for the 1BR was out of line. What I failed to do was surrender my desires to His will. I didn't lay my request before Him and allow the second piece of Proverbs 3:5 sink in (lean not on your own understanding). Then I wondered why He didn't do what I wanted Him to. Ha. The nerve. Now, I know we're just living His storybook, but do you ever wonder how God responds to our complacent attitudes while He knows He'll change them when we're open to receiving? I chuckle sometimes when I picture Him looking on the situation going "Are you kidding me? You've got it backwards. YOU, Kellie, are not the driver. YOU do not yet know what all of My Best is for you, YOU cannot know My best without surrendering to MY will."
Aaaaaaah. Right..


Let me give you an idea of the depth of my loathing attitude towards the whole roomate thing. Here's what, at one time, played out in my mind:

"Living with more noise, distraction and utter annoyance of potentially young, girly, unspiritual girls"

was simply not an option. (Harsh, I know!)
I kept moving forward with my plans though, yet again, and was so sure that I would get this apartment that I never once considered the idea of living in the suite. It just wasn't an option. I thought it would be easier for me to focus along with all of the other reasons I came up with. My mind was already made up and I wanted nothing to do with roomates!

However..."The Other Plans" were already in place and I was about to hear the most devestating news this week: 1BR apartments are only for... graduate students. WHAA-HHHAAAAAT?! I received the offer on Monday for a suite apartment with four bedrooms/two bathrooms and was told if I declined it I probably wouldn't be offered another, which would mean I'd have no where to live. You can guess what that means! Roooooooomates!

At first, in all honesty, I was extremely disappointed. My instinctive response was 'What the heck, Lord?" Instead of praising Him for this provision, I complained. I couldn't wait for work to be over so I could get in my car and tell God, out loud, what I really thought about all this! But, non-the-less while still at work I continued to grumble and argue with Him about it in my mind for a few hours untillllll that glorious ride home.What happened?

Oooooh, God spoke to me. Big surprise.

He reminded me that Kellie doesn't always get what Kellie wants. That He's the one who calls the big shots. He gave me that oh so familiar, "Who's The Boss?" talk as I sunk into the seat of my car in all of my shame. After realizing how selfish I was reacting to this great opportunity to interact with other women my age, I repented to Daddy and told Him regardless of whether or not I'm completely okay with this right now, He knows best and I will choose to receive all He has for me and obey Him. It's the classic example of how Kellie always seems to think she knows best, but really never does. (He is so amazing because He continues to be patient with me as I learn how to break off that part of my flesh!) Since this was His decision I asked Him to give me the desire to have roomates again.

Later that evening I experienced a transformational attitude change that completely through me for a loop! I thought about what it would be like to live alone in a new state during this transition, and then what it would be like to have roomates who would be experiencing the same transition. Immediately I saw the benefits of living with a few other girls - new friendships, fun, encouragement, support - all of the above. My entire being became sparked with the excitement of experiencing the dream I had so long ago tucked away - the one that I'd always had to live out the richness of friendship in a college atmosphere - in a "dorm" with other girls. All of a sudden God reminded me that He was making my dream a reality. How much more for Him to go above and beyond all that I could even think of at the time and create eternal friendships!

I'm so glad that I can now say that I'm thankful to have the opportunities to minister and be ministered to, and ultimately build lasting friendships. How AWESOME is He?! After sitting on my bed in awe of His mighty hand at work OOAAA-GEN... all I could think to say was Wow... thanks, Lord.

Thanks for all of your prayer support, encouragement and guidance. Thankfully, I've been able to hear clearly what the Lord's will is and what Kellie's is not! I'm beyond blessed to have you all a part of my new journey! :)

The Fruit Lady

So... I'm assuming you're all wondering what the deal is with my picture. For your amusement I've entitled it "The Fruit Lady"...

Straight up, I'm a total nut. Laughter is my passion and I'm constantly engaged in it. I love to do stupid things for the sake of laughing hysterically. And I enjoy sarcasm - to the extreme. I live in it's world and I love to have fun with it.
In all simplicity, though, I love to laugh, period.

By the way - try balancing 10lbs of fruit on your head.. it's NOT as easy as it looks ;)

Hanging on the Wall

Remember what it felt like to create a picture in school for your Mom? While you were creating your masterpiece in all your pride you thought, “Wow! I hope Mommy loves this!” After you completed your project and perfected it just the way you liked, you couldn’t wait to show it off and present Mommy with the gift you had made. Bolting off the school bus and into the door of the house as if it were the last door you’d ever open, you ran inside and yelled, “Lookie! Lookie, Mommy, Lookie! Lookie at what I’ve made for you!”

You just couldn’t wait for her to see it. After all, this gift took all your time and carried your best effort.This was far more than a drawing- rather, invested time, careful thought, particular attention, and a genuine desire to put a smile on Mommy’s face – all to create a classic, one-of-a-kind piece of art fashioned specifically from your heart. You couldn’t help but eagerly await her response, watching carefully as she examined what you made for her probably pondering questions like, Will she really like it? Will she treasure it? Will she display it for all to see? But more importantly, Will this be good enough to make the refrigerator?

When we were younger I fondly recall my older sister- exuberant, boisterous, and overall charismatic in nature, cheerfully running after Grandma saying “Gramma, look! Lookie, Gramma! Lookie!” Her idea of getting Gram’s attention always made me smile. But the question that always ran through my mind was what was so important that she wanted Gramma to see right away? Only a young, little goober, I couldn’t fathom any logical reason for Gramma to stop making my favorite homemade pizza and come see Shannon’s surprise. I mean, who did my sister think she was that she could interrupt Gramma at this oh-so-important time?

Unbeknownst to me, it was a marvelous sight to say the least- a variety of different shapes, colors and sizes. It was her favorite toy and biggest joy - a unique stack of leggos displaying the peak of her creativity. She wanted Gram to see just how she lined them up, stacked them and formed them into a building. She wanted Gram to share in the joy of what she made. And why wouldn’t she? It wasn’t about the leggos. It was about someone taking delight in her creativity and sharing what she made with someone else. As Gram excitedly looked on I noticed her smiling, like she was delighted to pull Shannon’s imagination from the leggos. There was no doubt about it, Gram was enjoying her granddaughter with the highest level of joy and remained, for quite a while, astonished at her granddaughter’s creative little mind.

This type of delightfulness is oh so characteristic of Jesus. In the same way Gram looked on and was joyful over my sister’s display of leggos, Jesus delights in his creativity of you! His intent is not simply to enjoy us Himself, but for others to be blessed by the creativity He's given us. Our creativity is covered with purpose. When we discover, acknowledge and utilize the gifts that have been given to us we bring glory to the Father. The most poignant factor of all, though, and the sole purpose of having gifts is the fact that they are given to us for the benefit of others. This is why it’s so exciting to grow in gifts – God moves powerfully through the mouths, hands and bodies of His children and since each of us is given at least one gift, according to the Word of God, it’s our duty to seek Him and discover what that gift is. Once it’s discovered, we can ask Him to help us grow so that we can use the gift for His purpose. It begins, however, with an understanding of His love for us.

One spring afternoon as my dreaming carried me away, I pictured an image that parallels purposely with the message of Christ’s delight in us. On a plain, beige wall above a couch hung a beautifully crafted, hand-made tapestry of fine, quality art. Its beauty stirred up adoration and it hung there with elegance, causing every object in the room to beam with sheer radiance. The painting was dynamically composed of bright and subtle colors, covered in different textures and saturated with vision. It was woven together with such beauty that every eye was glued and in awe from just one glance.
The significance of this piece of art is that it’s you and I! It’s the very piece of art, created at the peak of our Master’s excitement and creativity that God wants to display to the world and say, “Lookie! Lookie at what I’ve made!”

We’re designed to bring Him glory and he does this through creativity! As Christ’s ambassadors and Regents representing a King, and just like the painting in my dream, our love for Him should speak in and of itself, primarily before a word ever comes out of our mouths. It’s what some people like to call preaching the gospel without words. It’s also an opportune time to think about and apply the common phrase “actions speak louder than words.” Or, in this case, “creativity speaks louder than words.” This picture of creativity was His design and it’s the glory of transformation! Halleluiah!

The heart of the matter is that God has raised us up for the purpose of demonstrating His power through us. We have a higher calling! Almighty God purchased us at the highest price, drenched us with His grace and transformed us inside out in order to plant charisma in our spirit that engages the spirit of those around us. We are destined for greatness and to bring out the greatness in other people. Creativity is a significant piece to God’s plan of salvation manifested in Matthew 28. It’s the essence of His character. He’s a creative God, who’s got way more experience than we will ever have – He’s been at this for countless years! So let’s get out of the driver seat, move to the passenger seat and begin obeying the yield sign! If you first desire Him, step out and follow Him He’ll be sure to show you where His peak of creativity was when creating you! Those gifts will begin to become evident and dreams of what to do with them will begin to surface in your heart. God wants to show you off! He’s created you at the height of His creative symphony and plans to show His power and receive glory through a display of YOU.

Will you be a part of my victory? Part 2

I'm learning so much about real faith as I trust God in this latest transition to Virginia Beach, Va. Below are a few scriptures empowering me to walk this transition out in faith. First is a scripture God led me to months ago, the next few were spoken to me through other people and the last is a verse I've loved for as long as I can remember. These are the very verses of scripture that God has embedded on my heart to walk me through this transition this fall.

"Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see." -Hebrews 11:1

God said to Abraham "Leave everything you have behind. Go and I'll show you what I have for you." And get this next verse... "AND I WILL MAKE OF YOU A GREAT NATION and i will bless you and make your name famous and distinguished, and you will be a blessing..." -Genesis 12:1-2

"Behold! I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." - Isaiah 43:19

"To Him, Who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work in us." -Ephesians 3:20

(These are all scriptures spoken to me, by God, through people. They are confirmations of my heart's passion to follow His leading to Regent University)In the first verse in the book of Genesis God told Abraham to GO, without giving him any idea of what was to come beyond that command. He also promised Abraham that He would bless him AFTER he went (AND i will make of you a great nation...). Just like Abraham, I don't know what the next step is. All I know is that He told me to GO, and that I belong at Regent. Like Abraham, I am taking the first step of faith. Immediately after I knew Regent was where He wanted me, I applied. Before I was accepted I gave my notice at work. Before I was admitted into student housing I gave my notice to my landlord.While everyone else tells me I don't know what I'm doing, I say "No, I don't. But God does."By the end of the first week of June my acceptance and admittance into student housing should be confirmed by the University.

Listen! God doesn't get in the boat we limit Him from- He shows up when you get OUT of the boat! Taking the first step of faith enables God to show you the second step He has lined up for you. He said to Abraham "Go for yourself away from your country, from our relatives and your father's house, to the land that I will show you." He said GO! So, GO first!

Everyone's saying sarcastically, "Well, Kellie, what are you going to do with your degree? and Usually people have a place to live before they move." (You've seen the questions in Part1 of Will you be a part of my victory?)Here's the truth about that question, though. I don't know. What I do know is He laid Professional Communication on my heart, placed the desire in me to speak among several other things, so I chose that as my major. My response to the question about the job after I get my degree is "God will show me." And I sit confidently assure of that, based on what I know and understand of God's Word. How do I know that? Because I've taken the first step of faith already!

If Abraham bowed to fear the rest of the story in Genesis wouldn't have come to pass. He would never have experienced God as his Shield and his great compensation, and he would never have received his exceedingly great reward (Genesis 15:1). -Joyce Meyer

In all honesty, I didn't feel and still am not fearful about this transition. I know that I know that I know and always knew from day one that my God will carry me through and bring me to a place where I can walk on my own. If the same God who gave me everything I prayed for in my apartment and healed me of CANCER after I fervently prayed for and fully believed Him to, He can surely prove faithful again! And again! And again!If He brought me to it, He'll bring me through it!

You know, the word "fear" means to run from. Do you know the only way to overcome it is to step out against it? Whatever you run from will chase you until it's confronted and dealt with. I encourage you to take a step. God is the only living man who won't leave you stranded, IF you fully surrender and trust Him.

Ask Him for the courage to take a step of faith in your circumstance. Watch Him pull you through it! Joyce Meyer says it this way, "Understanding that His will for you is revealed a step at a time should build your confidence to do at least what you already know to do. After the first few steps, your faith will grow because you will realize there is always sure footing beneath each step God instructs you to take."Whether you know it or not, God is busy bringing good things to pass for you, right this minute! Just give him time- and you will see. -Joyce Meyer

Again I ask, Will YOU be a part of my victory?

(I pulled some of what I wrote from Joyce Meyer's message during "The Confident Woman" conference she spoke at recently. You can find more of her inspiring messages at www.joycemeyer.org)

Will you be a part of my Victory? Part 1

These are a few wall posts I had on facebook while I was experiencing THE WORLD and it's influence while trusting the Lord about Regent! Sometimes my spirit get's so fired up for what the Lord is up to that I just start speaking to the world - you'll see a touch of that at the end!

Woo-hoo! This is good stuff! So I opened up to Psalm 21 this morning. Check out how King David speaks the ultimate truth here... man, this is so good. How true is this Psalm in my life right now! It's my biggest prayer and the Lord just told me that I am prophesing my future at Regent University!
"O Lord, the king rejoices in your strength. How great is his joy in the victories you give! You have granted him the desire of his heart and have not withheld the request of his lips. You welcomed him with rich blessings and placed a crown of pure gold on his head. He asked you for life, and you gave it to him- length of days, for ever and ever. Through the victories you gave, his glory is great; you have bestowed on him splendor and majesty. Surely you have granted him eternal blessings and made him glad with the joy of your presence (yes!). For the king trusts in the Lord; through the unfailing love of the Most High HE WILL NOT BE SHAKEN.
PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!
I love how this Psalm speaks of the glory of God! In regards to giving a notice at work in FAITH that I will be accepted and enrolled in on-campus housing this August, it's a time where wordly, unfaithful people are telling me I'm crazy, too young and naive to make "big" decisions without consulting "adults", I'm in for some "big" disappointments- the Lord is using this psalm to encourage my heart! GUESS WHAT PEOPLE? I OBEY JESUS and follow HIS calling on my life, not yours! A
nd here's another interesting tidbit. I couldn't figure out why the Lord led me to read Ezra as well today. But, after a divine revelation here's what He showed me:Chapter 4 in the book of Ezra in the Old Testament describes three different strategies used to hinder God's people.
1) Those in opposition of those who wanted to rebuild the Temple offered help that would lead to compromises or even a complete takeover of the project by unbelievers
2) Unbelievers discourage, frighten and frustrate God's people
3) They use official power to force them to stop doing God's work

Isn't interesting that while everyone surrounding me who chooses to tell me "you need my imput, my "wisdom" to make your decisions", chooses to discourage, attempt to frighten and frustrate God's plans for my life and use their positions in the business world to threaten my future DOESN'T SHAKE MY FAITH! As it didn't shake the faith of those who wanted to rebuild the Temple over 2000+ years ago... and guess what? THEY DID IT. Nehemiah went on to rebuild the temple a few years later. With God's prompting and direction, IT CAME TO PASS. And my attending Regent and getting my degree will, too!

Just as the apostle Paul encouraged young Timothy, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech,in life, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

It's a wonder I can't include ya'll in my victories - you refuse to be a part of them! Stop doubting, and BELIEVE! Just BELIEVE! Watch how He unfolds His promise of being faithful to the faithful (Psalm 18:25)!

Today

For most of you, today was like any other beautiful day - filled with an array of beaming sunlight, transparent air and peacefully, bright blue skies. Easily, it became another day to take a walk, swing with your child in the park, or play a game of mini golf. But for me, not only was the day filled with beauty by the glorious sunshine and clear, blue sky, but also with a sparked spirit, sense of refreshment, and reassurance of personal beauty. Today was a breath of fresh air, a breeze of new experiences, and a wind of graceful, purpose-filled interactions. Somehow, Today touched my soul in a way I completely expected, yet managed to dilute.

The day started bright and early, with my arising at 5am. Shortly after 7am I arrived on base, at the Special Olympics field, where hundreds of Athletes were expected to have a day filled with Track and Field events, Swimming and Bowling. As the morning progressed, I anxiously awaited to be partnered with my Athlete pondering questions like, who will it be? Will I have a man or a woman? Will he or she be short or tall? One thing was for certain, though, this wasn't about me. This day was a learning opportunity. It was about closing the eyes on myself and opening them to my new friend.As I waited, I looked around to see dozens of buddies inching closer to the Athlete Registration areas, eagerly awaiting the arrival of their Athletes. A compacted group of buddies chose "Track and Field" athletes, including myself, which were becoming more limited as the final buddies arrived. The fight was on - who would get the next 'Track and Field' Athlete? Not one who typically acts aggressively to be first in line, I abruptly decided this was a legitimate excuse to push ahead! I wasn't about to wait any longer! I wanted to meet the person God wanted me to! After hearing the call for another Track and Field buddy, I quickly ran to the front to meet my long awaited Athlete. Her name? Barbara Jo Thomas.

She was an extraordinary woman from our first encounter, if I'd ever seen one. All geared up for her big day: bags in hand, attitude in check, and smile on. You could have picked her out a mile away. That warm, tender smile and sweet greeting of a kiss, with a minute flavor of sass was enough to melt you on the spot. Saying hello to nearly every one we passed and dancing her way back to the photo center for our first personal picture together, Barbara Jo was beginning to leave her footprint in my heart.

After every buddy was paired with an Athlete, we all wentoutside to begin our "warm-up", including arm and leg exercises, with a twist of light dancing. The next event was the opening ceremony, starting with a parade of buddies and Athletes. Excitement ripped through the surrounding crowd as all who participated were smiling, waving and yelling, "Yaaaayyy!" After the parade was over and opening ceremonies came to an end, each buddy and Athlete were designated to theirareas of interest: Track and Field (On Base), Swimming (at Messiah college), or Bowling (at Trindle Bowl).Barbara Jo and I were Track and Field partners, so we made our way to the field almost immediately, which included the Softball Throw and a 50 and 100-meter dash and/or walk. During our walk and talk, I noticed Barbara liked to dance. Our walk quickly became our dance, as we soon ended up making our way to the dance floor (the parking lot), where a DJ was playing Oldies music including the Locomotion, the Greasesoundtrack, famous hits from Aretha Franklin and even a few country hits. Barbara's and my dancing soon turned into a sea of dancing stars, with new Athletes and their buddies joining in on the fun. We even did well-known dances like The Electric Slide, The Macarena, and the Cha-Cha.

Soon enough, although never soon enough for Barbara, lunch time arrived! An alluring display of hot dogs, hamburgers, pork, chicken, fruit, chips and much more were available for the taking. Barbara couldn't wait for her favorite part of the day because it was then that she could indulge in all of her favorite foods. Her favorite weakness? Bread! What a coincidence- mine, too!

A few more minor events occurred after lunch and before we all knew it, the day was coming to an end. Closing ceremonies started around 2:45pm and everyone watched as our new friend, Ken, walked down the isle to light the final torch of the day. Tears were beginning to shed and once smiling faces were now frowning. The fun had ended. New friendships would have to only be remembered. Another year until they'd get to see a familiar face, meet a new friend, and perhaps try something new. The heartache of waiting seemed too overwhelming to bear. Their big day was over.

In addition to Barbara, there were two other very special people I was connected with today. These truly were two divine connections.
First, is a dear, 4-yr old boy named Trevor. While I was sitting in the grass talking with Barbara, I was nearly knocked over by this energetic, bright and cheerful boy, whom I've never met before. He ran into me and then decided to sit on my lap. As I hugged him and asked him his name I almost had to gasp for breath, because as I looked at him I realized he was captured by my facial features - to him, a new face equals a new phenomenon. His beautiful, sparkling eyes instantly spoke to my heart, and while I stared at him for what was left of that moment, he gently leaned over and whispered in my ear "I love you." Soon after, he said that I was his new best friend and he wanted to play with me. Not long after that, he told me he wanted me to wear his metal, because I've done a good job and I am a "winner."
Most people would just say, "Oh, how cute." But for me, it was way beyond that. At the time, I knew something had just happened, beyond anything of my own understanding, but I didn't have all the pieces together. Later, as I thought about it, something drastically occurred to me.Isn't this the very character of our own Heavenly Father? He purposefully and often times, unexpectedly, runs into our lives, pursues us, expresses his love for us, and invites us to spend time with Him. Along side of that, He encourages us with words of life and richly rewards us. Hmm. What a creative way for God to tell me He loved me today. What a way for Him to personally invite me, His Beloved Daughter Kellie, to spend the afternoon with Him and to tell me He's pleased with me. But, here's what strikes my mind the most. God spoke to me when I least expected it, in a way I could have totally missed, had I not reflected on these divine connections Today. And even more amazing: Who was His divine instrument in bringing this word for me? A child. Somehow, just somehow, this divine connection with Trevor reminded me of my personal beauty to my Daddy. I must be, have to be, a real treasure in His eyes for Him to speak to me this way. Wow.

The other person I met Today is Jordan and he is a 29-year old male Athlete who loves to dance. This young man's spirit contagiously infected mine and while he was dancing during lunch I found myself enjoying him with an utmost respect that I couldn't quite figure out. He was the only one dancing and there wasn't a thing anyone could do to stop him. Without a single care in the world his joy-filled spirit carried him, song after song. He jumped, did cart-wheels, danced and sang all by himself, in front of hundreds of people. I thought to myself, when did we ever become mindful of opinion, and why? When did our concern for acceptance from other people become prioritized over our freedom? Why do we intently focus on the eyes of acceptance? More so, why do we allow those other eyes to direct our steps? It's a tragic loss to society when judgment from other people stops our spirit from its fashioned purpose. Our own, personal joy and individuality become compromised and the joy and individuality of others around us is robbed. I couldn't help but think, what are we truly afraid of?

Dancing with my new friends earlier in the day allowed me to peek inside their souls and see through the window of pure happiness. Happiness that is clearly palpable. Several valuable lessons were learned Today, but one most striking and poignantly evident is the notion of expression and the magnetic link it has to others. I learned that individuality is, by far, the greatest gift of a trait I could ever receive. Through it, everything else comes to pass in its own unique way. I was also renewed with the understanding of freedom. Experiencing the meaning of true liberty through expression teaches me how vitally important it is to remain who I am - first for God, and then for others.Perhaps the most peaceful and comforting gift I received from the entire event was resting assured that the Spirit of God Almighty Himself was present. I watched His radiance gleam off the faces of my new friends and His Spirit freely flowing through their bodies. As I watched them dance I began to silently thank Him for the wonderful opportunity to be a part of His Kingdom, and a tear gently rolled down my face - I thought, how is it that the God of all the Earth could teach me so many valuable, life-changing lessons at age 22? I couldn't help but feel sorry for those who couldn't become part of Today. Although Barbara didn't seem to understand this was it, we'd never see each other again, and I was just another person who walked into her life and quickly walked out, no doubts remain in my mind that Today was a day filled with blessing for her. Her Daddy opened all the doors and purposefully, planned a divine connection. Maybe she won't remember Today tomorrow, next week, or next year, but Today was a day of opportunity. An abundant day of grace, joy, and peace. In essence, a day of true love showered on us all. It was a day I'll never forget. This,indeed, was a day that the Lord has made! Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

In Awe

So, I sit here this morning in awe... I can't believe the Lord of all the earth is mindful of me... the very God who knew me before he created me in my mother's womb, who set me apart and appointed me to be a messenger to the nations... He cares to know my name... cares to heal my brokeness... cares to bring me into victory... to fulfill my every heart's desire... His love for me is beyond any depth I can fathom... the God of all the earth loves to hang out with me every morning, afternoon and night... woah! He loves to speak to me, whispering sweetness in my ear... the very God who loves to save me when I'm in great need - which is every moment of every day... My God is my everything.

Apart from Him, I can do nothing. I am nothing. He is my significance! My security! How majestic is he... how glorious... beautiful... extragavant... marvelous...How often I sometimes forget my Father, the Almighty is SO big... he's The Conqueror, and he made me one, too... wow... the God who transformed my heart and mind, who removed my bitterness, taught me how to forgive, how to truly love... and the God who healed me of cancer... he stooped down to embrace me in his arms... he rescued me from fear, worry, confusion, lonliness... when no body else was around to rescue me... he rescued me. When no one else was and is faithful to me, He ALWAYS is. Never breaking a promise, but fulfilling them with due time...It's only because of Him that I stand secure in who I am today... a completely transformed person than I was two years ago... and He gets ALL the glory!

I've never known a love like this before... He's captivating!

I wanna go run around like a madwoman in my backyard! I wanna SCREAM! I wanna SHOUT! I wanna PROCLAIM THIS LOVE!!! Because it's not just for me, but for every person on the face of this planet! I want to run around in circles! I want to laugh, cry, rejoice, sing, do cartwheels, dance, jump, run, and all of the above! My God is a MARVELOUS GOD! =-)

So, I ask: Who's coming with me?! This is the time of rejoicing! Time of celebrating! Time to live the redeemed life Jesus died so we could have! Again, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?!

"How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people. "(Trust Him and Obey Him with integrity!)
You know something? It's during devotional times like these where I realize how small i really am, yet He still loves me beyond my wildest understanding. I realize just how GREAT our God is... woah... ;o)