I'm a Virginia Resident! Yay!

So I'm now officially a Virginia resident.
I feel so lovely.

haha seriously, I was jumping up and down in the driver's seat of my car after I got my new license. You have no idea what kind of hassles I've been experiencing JUST to make it this far!

I titled and registered my car here, too. Not sure why, but for a year and a half I've sensed the Lord wants me in Virginia for a while, so I did all the necessary paperwork to make it official... aaaaand nearly $300.00 later... I'm officially a Virginia resident.

Following the Lord DOES cost every thing.

Fighting to fight the good fight Continued...

In conjunction with the previous post...

I find it so interesting that before I laid down for bed I ended up in the Word again and God suddenly brought me here:

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:14-16

Even more amazing, in response to my words about persevering, the Lord showed me this:
"And since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching."
Hebrews 10:21-25

Amen! I am SO thankful the Lord knows exactly how I feel! More than that, He's there for me to approach and if I approach with confidence He will be generous enough to supply me with mercy and grace to pull me through...

(2nd scripture)
Then I'm encouraged to have full assurance of faith; reminded of his faithfulness; encouraged again by counsel to meet with the body; then to encourage and be encouraged.

Woooooah! I think God is speaking to me about this battle with spiritual warfare! AMEN, AMEN, and AMEN! What a marvelous God... who is like Him?!?!

Fighting to fight the good fight

Is any one else experiencing this?
Am I the only one who is fighting to fight the good fight????

There's been a lot of tension in my spiritual life this past week. I've been SO excited to experience deeper intimacy with the Lord and even have, but as soon as I make the choice to enter into worship the devil is right there shutting me up or whispering lies. When I begin to engage in worship sometimes, out of nowhere, I'll completely shut down- mind, mouth, and movement. It's a powerful experience that leaves me feeling frusterated because I find myself confused, wondering what I was even praying for and why. Thankfully, I've been able to discern this latest attempt to destroy me through distraction, but you wanna honestly know something? It pisses me off! The devil pisses me off!

Recently I was at a prayer meeting where I was blown away by the prayer warriors in the Army of God... but instead of walking away encouraged with a deeper faith, I walked away discouraged, wondering why I couldn't recite scripture like every one else.

For a long time I struggled like Jeremiah. My mind simply could not comprehend while the God of all creation would want to and use some one like me. I'm a far cry from perfect and felt I had nothing to offer the kingdom of God or the kingdom of darkness (for salvation sake). I went back and forth with the Lord JUST like Jeremiah did in the first chapter. I was convinced my 20 years of life would only depress people instead of encourage them. I allowed people to walk all over me my entire life and use my age as the determining factor of my intelligence (what a LOAD of crap)... "You're 18 years old... You're 20 years old..." and even now, "You're 22 years old, what do you know?"

It took a mighty word from the Lord to barely comprehend what I could offer Jesus and others. It took His love to break that vicious lie and the power of His transformation to make this 22-year old have something to say that WILL benefit someone else. Along with the grace of God and a few other revelations, here's what God bodly spoke to me and what completely changed my mindset:
"Don't let any one look down on you because you're young. But instead, set an example for the believers in speech, life, love, faith and purity."1 Timothy 4:12

I fell in love with that scripture and I now claim it, but lately I've been struggling to keep fighting the good fight Paul urges us to fight and when I struggle to fight for this good fight of faith I struggle with my divine calling to set an example, because it's rooted from faith. You gotta know that I love Jesus with all my heart... I WANT to be this example, and I WANT to keep fighting. It's just hard sometimes.

The minute my mouth wants to open for prayer the devil closes it and tells me I don't pray well enough. I'm constantly being picked at, sinking into the destructive realm of discouragement. The whispers get louder and louder and my mouth gets quieter and quieter. The king of darkness pushes me further and further into the hole and makes me think my prayer life is not working because it's not as good as some one else's. When I continue to hear the same words out of my mouth during prayer he whispers that I'm not an authentic Christian because sometimes I declare the exact same prayer every day. Then he tells me they aren't doing any good. It's such crap. He is attacking me EVERY WHERE and I am SO tired of it!!!!!!

Admist the warfare I heard the Lord speak "resist the devil and he will flee from you".
Okay. Great. Amen! Thanks Lord!

His word is just what I needed to hear, but let me just say, it's unbelievably challenging and quite frankly irritating to struggle during the resisting part! My persona has a natural fight inclination already, thankfully only for the Kingdom's sake, but what is normally a simple task for me (kicking the devil to the curb without a second thought) is now extremely difficult. Usually, I can recognize his craftiness right away and rebuke it, but now he's sneaking in EVERY crack that's available in my life and using it to his advantage. It's like he's one of those kittens that attaches themselves to a couch with their new claws. They remain clinging to the one thing that will sustain them until someone pulls them off. Only for us, PRAYER and keeping intimacy with Jesus is what pulls the devil off our back. Resisting him and our flesh is our way of releasing his grip on us. WE have to make the choice to fight him and trust God to perfect his strength in our weakness. Ah, the glory of the Lord! Halleluiah!

This is strong spiritual warfare... I'm completely struggling to NOT let the devil reign. Truth is, fighting to fight can be mentally exhausting. It has the potential to suck every passionate drop of vigor out of you and can actually leave you in a fighting mindset; one that compliments and entertains wordly thoughts instead of godly ones. Battling the enemy and fighting for blessings is by far the most difficult supernatural encounter I've ever had to face because my heart and mind are at war. I can always appreciate the experience in perseverance, though!

One thing is for sure: I am SICK and TIRED of him messing with me. The games are way old by now. I so desperately want to use the faith I developed during my cancer trial to BEAT HIM DOWN just like I did then! Only through screaming him off and declaring scripture was I able to receive the healing God had for me. I want that back. I pray for the strength to hang on and not give in. The devil is trying to destroy my prayer life because he knows prayer is his biggest threat in me and others. I'm sure he remembers how God won the battle and healed me of cancer through my faith and fervent prayer... so of course he's going to try and shut me down and keep me from praying. News for him: My name means warrior and you better believe I'm not giving in without a fight!

Through all of this I've learned that the Lord desires so much out of me. He wants me to remember Paul and beat my body and make it my slave soas to win others for Christ's sake. I choose to wake up early and pray on behalf of the lost. I choose to surrender to the Christ in me and use my body in whatever way is needed to serve others. God himself has called me to a deeper prayer life and He's waiting on me to dig deeper-it's been confirmed by other people. I'm thankful it didn't take super long for me to realize these trials can also create testimonies that will further influence a generation. WOW!

I'm ready to quit praising the devil and keep praising God for His protection from temptation, discernment, goodness, and all of the above! I'm ready to quit telling you how big the struggle is with spiritual warfare and remind myself and you how BIG our God is!
I'm gonna keep fightin' y'all! I appreciate your prayer support! :)

I'm content

(This is me being a Regent in disquise!)


Amazingly, I am perfectly content.
How does that happen?

It’s the art of being content in all circumtances.

Mastering the finest counsel of all time can seem impossible, but when saturated with clarity and matched with a passionate heart, practicing wise counsel is a piece of cake. Learning from a man of integrity, it becomes second nature.

Paul, one of my many inspirations, taught me the rich benefits of always walking in contentment. If I could understand how to be content in every circumstance I wouldn't be disappointed and react as if I were never given a good gift. I'd always have a reason to give thanks.

From personal experience I know that walking in contentment is liberating and it births a revival in body, spirit and soul. Setting “things” aside to indulge in life without “things” is incredibly edifying, but it requires sacrifice. Ah, sacrifice: the word we all hate, but it’s the one that represents the very element qualifying us as recipients of freedom.

Liberation doesn't come from only repeating "I will be content in all situations", it's conducive of living your claim, or being a “doer” of your word. It delivers blossoming benefits-ones that are smaller to see, yet larger to produce an experience. They spark a new zeal, birth a fragrant breath and create a new season of joy.

“I have learned to become content in all situations” is a learned behavior; one that must be practiced with purposeful intentions. While most of us would complain about being left in a new circumstance, Paul urges people embrace simple things found in every one. In a country well-known for its fancy diamonds, expensive cars and over-sized houses, embracing the simple things can seem too far-fetched to even consider. The question then remains, “Why bother enjoying less than what I could have?”

The life-sucking truth behind that question is found behind every face. The mentality of a materialistic person is limited. It’s unlimited to the man who opens himself to new life experiences, aside from material things. Being content suggests vulnerability-the word that threatens so much of us that we shut the door before even logically thinking about it or going beyond our comfort zone. Tragically, the saga continues and people furiously find a way to avoid the area of contentment. The result ends in a selfishly missed, bountiful supply of zeal, refreshment and joy.

Give this a shot. Try to be content in all situations. Instead of purchasing that larger mattress, sleep on the one you have. Heck, sleep on the floor for a few days. Get to the level where some of the children from northern India are and practice thanksgiving for the fact that you don’t have to sleep on the ground amongst lethal scorpions. Instead of complaining about not having enough money, appreciate your full refrigerator. Instead of buying that brand new car, enjoy the one that gets you from where you are to where you’re going, remembering there are others who can only afford to walk. Enjoy the practice of contentment-you can’t be anything but liberated!

Stuff

(This was written right before I moved to VA Beach-it was created in hopes of speaking to the crowd on MySpace/Facebook)

So here I lay on a sheetless, air mattress in an empty room, in an empty house. No table to hold my laptop, no dresser to set my alarm clock on, no desk to store paperwork. The few, most important things are among me laying on the floor around my new bed. And this is where I stay for a week.

As I laid down, took a deep breath and glanced around the bland room, I suddenly appreciated the treasure of simplicity. It’s shockingly cleansing to the soul. How much simpler is life without “things” everywhere?

Laying here, I have what may seem to be a peculiar sense of contentment. This season of a short week in my room is a treasure. It’s not very often I’m surrounded by plain drywall-I like to call this my beige bliss that serves as a daily dose of refreshment. Truth is, there’s something intangible and far-fetched about being surrounded by four walls of one color, with nothing on them. It’s like reaching for the star your arm is never long enough to grab. It’s too deep to physically get a hold of, yet totally possible to experience.

Most people would say, “Are you CRAZY for still sleeping in the house when all of your “stuff” is gone?” No. I’m not crazy. I simply realized I don’t NEED stuff to enjoy a bedroom in a house. Having stuff is a privilege-one I am thankful for, but that does not deliver complete satisfaction while having.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people absorb inferiority having more stuff, when actually the less stuff we have can create liberation in its simplest sense. So, the more stuff we have the more prideful we become, the less stuff we have the more free and appreciative we become. Why do we keep getting this backwards?

Boy, all of this reminds me of the fascinating and oh-so-true piece George Carlin wrote about the idea of having “stuff”:

George Carlin - A place for my stuff
Actually this is just a place for my stuff, ya know? That's all, a little place for my stuff. That's all I want, that's all you need in life, is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table, everybody's got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff, that's your stuff, that'll be his stuff over there. That's all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That's all your house is: a place to keep your stuff. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't need a house. You could just walk around all the time. A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it. You can see that when you're taking off in an airplane. You look down, you see everybody's got a little pile of stuff. All the little piles of stuff.

And when you leave your house, you gotta lock it up. Wouldn't want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take the good stuff. They never bother with that crap you're saving. All they want is the shiny stuff. That's what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get...more stuff! Sometimes you gotta move, gotta get a bigger house. Why? No room for your stuff anymore.

Did you ever notice when you go to somebody else's house, you never quite feel a hundred percent at home? You know why? No room for your stuff. Somebody else's stuff is all over the place! And if you stay overnight, unexpectedly, they give you a little bedroom to sleep in. Bedroom they haven't used in about eleven years. Someone died in it, eleven years ago. And they haven't moved any of his stuff! Right next to the bed there's usually a dresser or a bureau of some kind, and there's NO ROOM for your stuff on it. Somebody else's crap is on the dresser. Have you noticed that their stuff is crap and your crap is stuff? Wow! And you say, "Get that crap offa there and let me put my stuff down!"

Sometimes you leave your house to go on vacation. And you gotta take some of your stuff with you. Gotta take about two big suitcases full of stuff, when you go on vacation. You gotta take a smaller version of your house. It's the second version of your stuff. And you're gonna fly all the way to Honolulu. Gonna go across the continent, across half an ocean to Honolulu. You get down to the hotel room in Honolulu and you open up your suitcase and you put away all your stuff. "Here's a place here, put a little bit of stuff there, put some stuff here, put some stuff--you put your stuff there, I'll put some stuff--here's another place for stuff, look at this, I'll put some stuff here..." And even though you're far away from home, you start to get used to it, you start to feel okay, because after all, you do have some of your stuff with you.

That's when your friend calls up from Maui, and says, "Hey, why don'tchya come over to Maui for the weekend and spend a couple of nights over here." Oh, no! Now what do I pack? Right, you've gotta pack an even SMALLER version of your stuff. The third version of your house. Just enough stuff to take to Maui for a coupla days. You get over to Maui--I mean you're really getting extended now, when you think about it. You got stuff ALL the way back on the mainland, you got stuff on another island, you got stuff on this island. I mean, supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

You get over to your friend's house on Maui and he gives you a little place to sleep, a little bed right next to his windowsill or something. You put some of your stuff up there. You put your stuff up there. You got your Visine, you got your nail clippers, and you put everything up. It takes about an hour and a half, but after a while you finally feel okay, say, "All right, I got my nail clippers, I must be okay." That's when your friend says, "Aaaaay, I think tonight we'll go over the other side of the island, visit a pal of mine and maybe stay over." Aww, no. NOW what do you pack? Right--you gotta pack an even SMALLER version of your stuff. The fourth version of your house. Only the stuff you know you're gonna need. Money, keys, comb, wallet, lighter, hanky, pen, smokes, rubber and change. Well, only the stuff you HOPE you're gonna need.

From George Carlin, A Place For My Stuff, Brain droppings, 2000.

How do you title something like this?

Who ever said transition=change was SO right.

I move to Virginia Beach three days ago to live on-campus and EVERY thing changes. Of course I'm happy because I'm unpacked, my sleeping and eating schedule is back on track and I'm back to getting buff in the fitness center, but more than that, God is showing Himself to me in the most profound way. I'm completely captivated.

I'm already an all-the-time pray-er, but tonight as I was praying for some people I noticed that my prayer life has dramatically climaxed... I'm praying words I've never prayed before and and for people I've never prayed for before-people I barely know and some I've never met. It's clearly evident the Holy Spirit is at work because there's no way I could have came up with those prayers, let alone know who I was praying for and why. They seem to be getting more dynamic, without my even knowing it.

To the re-heeeeaallly cool part...
Halfway through my prayer I realized I had closed my eyes (other than morning prayer, I just talk to the Lord while I'm doing things and driving so I don't close my eyes) and my mouth kept going, but my head was trying to play catch up. It was such a unique experience; I was on the inside looking out at my body through my inside eyes, watching the Holy Spirit guide my every word. The entire time I was thinking "oh my gosh, this isn't you praying! this isn't you!", yet my mouth was still praying for these precious people I so dearly love. It was incredible!

I've had one other similar scenario, where I saw myself on the inside of my body looking out thinking "Wait, what did you say? Slow down!" It reminds me of the baby penguin in the movie, Happy Feet. He was talking while he was inside the egg, yet his shell was doing his own thing dancing around every where until its breakthrough reached and the shell finally cracked. This happened to me and my "crack" was closing prayer in tongues. What a phenomenal experience!

Since I've been walking with Christ I have recognized the power of the supernatural, but what lies behind the capacity of my understanding, in the "known" realm, is realizing I'm living in God's presence all the time. It's more evident and understood during times of complete surrender and when my faith is simply stirred thinking of His marvelous ways. Only then do I slip into "awe" mode, pondering why the God of all the Earth even cares to extend that kind of intimacy to me.

After little thought I came to the conclusion that this is the Lord speaking for and using me as an intervention for his lost sheep. My temporary response is silence-I mean, what do you say to a God who works so powerfully in you? Once the "awe" phase begins to unfold a little I'm able to offer thanksgiving for the level of intimacy Jesus freely extends. I understand that I am not created to understand the depth of His love, and it goes hand-in-hand with the reason I cannot fathom why He chooses to use me as a divine instrument in expanding the Kingdom, but one thing is for sure: the GREATNESS of our God reigns!

Perhaps the most astonishing element of this encounter with Jesus is that it came during communication with Him. God speaks when we don't, but he surely speaks when we do, too. All I did was approach Him with a humble, pure heart and present the requests I had at the time, for a few people I love. That extended into praying for the salvation of my friends and family. Before I knew it, the Holy Spirit was making His grand entrance through my mouth. I've said this before, but who knew it could be so simple to be led by the Lord? The power of the Holy Spirit is as active today as He was two thousand years ago!

On a personal note, what I find interesting is that these supernatural experiences have blossomed over these past few days while living on campus. There isn't a doubt in my mind God has called me to Regent University and I've pondered how my relationship with Him would grow, develop and prosper while here. Well, whew! I guess He's showing me early!

I gotta tell ya, I'm convinced Regent is spiritually anointed, beyond our wildest expectations! The Lord's hand is upon every person here! Supernatural things are happening and will continue to happen on this campus. I see it. I feel it. I hear it. I taste it. I'm experiencing it. God is here and He's actively pursuing us, calling us and leading us to a higher place of maturity in Him. I fully believe there are miracles God wants to bring about: revivals, baptisms, whole-hearted surrender, healing and more! I believe there are new spiritual gifts He's about to pour on His precious children in this generation! How exciting! Praise God!