"The Attitude Adjustment"

Soooo... I accepted an offer for a 4 bedroom suite at Regent! I've paid the security deposit and everything is official! I have a place to live on campus! This is really happening! Aaahhh! Hallelujah!

Buuuut. Here's the thing. My initial desire was to have my own apartment. I believed and believed and believed the Lord would have it for me - to the point where I couldn't believe any more. My idea of how this would all look was as crystal clear as the chandelier hanging in the White House - looking at it made everything else seem so unattractive and unappealing.

What's interesting and perhaps the most thought provoking piece of this entire puzzle, though, is what I'm learning in regards to surrender. Ah, that word we all dread sometimes... and the following attitude, "You mean... I have to do what God Almighty says? Like allow Him to lead me into my destiny because He thinks He knows me better than... ME?"

See, it wasn't that my believing for the 1BR was out of line. What I failed to do was surrender my desires to His will. I didn't lay my request before Him and allow the second piece of Proverbs 3:5 sink in (lean not on your own understanding). Then I wondered why He didn't do what I wanted Him to. Ha. The nerve. Now, I know we're just living His storybook, but do you ever wonder how God responds to our complacent attitudes while He knows He'll change them when we're open to receiving? I chuckle sometimes when I picture Him looking on the situation going "Are you kidding me? You've got it backwards. YOU, Kellie, are not the driver. YOU do not yet know what all of My Best is for you, YOU cannot know My best without surrendering to MY will."
Aaaaaaah. Right..


Let me give you an idea of the depth of my loathing attitude towards the whole roomate thing. Here's what, at one time, played out in my mind:

"Living with more noise, distraction and utter annoyance of potentially young, girly, unspiritual girls"

was simply not an option. (Harsh, I know!)
I kept moving forward with my plans though, yet again, and was so sure that I would get this apartment that I never once considered the idea of living in the suite. It just wasn't an option. I thought it would be easier for me to focus along with all of the other reasons I came up with. My mind was already made up and I wanted nothing to do with roomates!

However..."The Other Plans" were already in place and I was about to hear the most devestating news this week: 1BR apartments are only for... graduate students. WHAA-HHHAAAAAT?! I received the offer on Monday for a suite apartment with four bedrooms/two bathrooms and was told if I declined it I probably wouldn't be offered another, which would mean I'd have no where to live. You can guess what that means! Roooooooomates!

At first, in all honesty, I was extremely disappointed. My instinctive response was 'What the heck, Lord?" Instead of praising Him for this provision, I complained. I couldn't wait for work to be over so I could get in my car and tell God, out loud, what I really thought about all this! But, non-the-less while still at work I continued to grumble and argue with Him about it in my mind for a few hours untillllll that glorious ride home.What happened?

Oooooh, God spoke to me. Big surprise.

He reminded me that Kellie doesn't always get what Kellie wants. That He's the one who calls the big shots. He gave me that oh so familiar, "Who's The Boss?" talk as I sunk into the seat of my car in all of my shame. After realizing how selfish I was reacting to this great opportunity to interact with other women my age, I repented to Daddy and told Him regardless of whether or not I'm completely okay with this right now, He knows best and I will choose to receive all He has for me and obey Him. It's the classic example of how Kellie always seems to think she knows best, but really never does. (He is so amazing because He continues to be patient with me as I learn how to break off that part of my flesh!) Since this was His decision I asked Him to give me the desire to have roomates again.

Later that evening I experienced a transformational attitude change that completely through me for a loop! I thought about what it would be like to live alone in a new state during this transition, and then what it would be like to have roomates who would be experiencing the same transition. Immediately I saw the benefits of living with a few other girls - new friendships, fun, encouragement, support - all of the above. My entire being became sparked with the excitement of experiencing the dream I had so long ago tucked away - the one that I'd always had to live out the richness of friendship in a college atmosphere - in a "dorm" with other girls. All of a sudden God reminded me that He was making my dream a reality. How much more for Him to go above and beyond all that I could even think of at the time and create eternal friendships!

I'm so glad that I can now say that I'm thankful to have the opportunities to minister and be ministered to, and ultimately build lasting friendships. How AWESOME is He?! After sitting on my bed in awe of His mighty hand at work OOAAA-GEN... all I could think to say was Wow... thanks, Lord.

Thanks for all of your prayer support, encouragement and guidance. Thankfully, I've been able to hear clearly what the Lord's will is and what Kellie's is not! I'm beyond blessed to have you all a part of my new journey! :)