Needed to be loved by others?

So, yeah, God's love is SUFFICIENT, but I'm learning more about that "needed to be loved by others" thing... like, the whole purpose of the church thing... haha

I guess since I've known the Lord, I've never thought about what it would be like to loose my church family, be without them or apart from them for a time. I've been in ministry since I met the Lord, so others are always in my life, for me to pour into. And I love it. But it's not always the other way around (this is why I hate when Life Groups and Bible studies break for extensive amounts of time). That's one of the many struggles of being in ministry alone (as in personal, individual ministry God has burdened my own heart for). Please hear me, I'm not saying being in the secret place with Jesus isn't enough; I'm simply saying the need to be loved by others is totally natural, and when that's lacking, I lack.

But right now, I kinda feel like "okay, what happened? where did you all go?" It's like everyone fell off the face of the Earth at the hardest time in my life (many who I consider close to me, anyway). Life changes, transitions happen and people just get busy--it's expected, and I understand that. And people are in our earthly life for a season, not always forever. Maybe that's just a little hard for me to understand right now, especially when I need friends the most and they've seemed to vanish.

Although I don't like that busyness has infected my friendships (on my part, too), this is certainly a good place to be. Like I always say, "It's me and Jesus, baby!" haha I know since I'm dependent upon God He'll fill me to the overflow, for ALL my needs, but also, I understand that need to be loved and needed by others is still very much real, and very much felt, or non-felt in my case right now. I hate to say it this way because it sounds so terrible, but I'm beginning to feel what some people say they feel when they leave the church--betrayed or abandoned by those who claim to be Christ's love on the Earth. (Please don't think this is my way of saying I'm abandoning God and leaving the church--it is totally not! I am NOT going anywhere--My wired spirit is gripping God too tight!) I'm just saying that I feel like I'm identifying with how they feel a little bit. And it doesn't feel good.

Rachel and I were talking the other day and she mentioned the Five Love Languages. Since I haven't read the book and have no idea what they are I told her she needed to spill the beans ;) If this even is one, I'd have to say one of mine is definately that when I get invited to a get together by someone I know, love and trust, I feel completely adored and loved. When I don't, and I hear about get togethers that I wasn't invited to, or see my friends hanging out without me, especially by those I consider to be good friends, it doesn't make me feel valued by them. And it hurts. I'm someone who receives affirmation well in action. So when someone makes a clear effort to invite me somewhere, I feel incredibly loved, but when it's a last minute invitation once the party's started, I don't feel loved. When someone does something for me, it means everything (Jesus demonstrated that perfectly on the cross). Sure I'll gladly go, but I don't feel like the person thought about actually wanting me to be there, and that pierces my heart.

This has really made me examine MY level of friendship and support to the "others" in my own life. I am surely one of "those" that I'm referring to; I know some relationships that have been compromised in my own life due to school, work, and life in general. I know it's not easy to keep up with so many people. I'm just praying, "Lord, show me the balance..."

It's still good to know that my God is with me and that He'll never leave me or forsake me. He wants Kellie time, and Kellie wants Jesus time.
...Do you ever notice how He uses your passions to re-fuel your spirit? I got invited to ride with some friends at the ranch tomorrow... ah, being at the ranch with the horses is enough to make me smile :) Daddy knows what I need before I even ask Him ;)